


Flowers bloom with no regret

by lejna



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Josh is a sweetheart, M/M, flower symbolism, markus is good at everything, mentions of abuse later on (there is an extra warning at the beginning of the chapter), no beta because im a dumbass, nothing but fluff, simon is a dumb idiot, simon likes flowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-04-24 01:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19162996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lejna/pseuds/lejna
Summary: Simon has a crush on someone he ran over on campus but doesn't have the courage to talk to him, until he remembers that there are other ways of getting messages across.





	1. Gerbera

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I finally finished this. It was supposed to be like a chapter short and just a cute little fluffy story but it made itself completely independent and transformed into a big monster. I started this like... one year ago lmao
> 
> The sweet convos between Simon and Daniel are definitely taken from rngrn's art (I'm too dumb to add a link to this I'm sorry), which also inspired me to write this fanfiction to begin with, so we really have them to thank.
> 
> The title is from Years & Years 'Hypnotised'.

He'd almost ran Simon over on the first day of his first summer semester in university. Simon had just arrived back from home together with his twin brother Daniel and therefore had still been sad about leaving home again, lost in the thought about his grandmother’s garden, where the flowers bloomed so brightly it seemed like a little piece of paradise had fallen onto earth. 

Where the sun always seemed to shine more brightly and everything was more beautiful than anywhere else. 

Simon had been on his way from his shared apartment to a new place his friend – and one of his flat mates – North had discovered to meet her there. He hadn't really been paying attention to where he was going because he had been daydreaming, so it actually had been his fault that he hadn't seen the man walking around the corner. Nevertheless the man had apologized to him, as if it was his fault.

His eyes had smiled at him and everything about him was just so warm, from his skin tone to his voice to the big hand he had put onto Simon's forearm to steady him. So it wasn't really a surprise that now every time Simon had seen him around campus his heart had beaten just a little bit faster than usual, most of the time followed by a blush that spread across his cheeks in a hot wave. 

Simon found himself looking for the man, subconsciously at first, and every time he saw him his spirits were lifted. The most intriguing part about him were his eyes, one a deep, intelligent green like the sort he'd see on a young leaf in the garden after a long and cold winter, the other one of a blue that reminded Simon of storms above the ocean.

They often stared contemplatively into space, not noticing a single thing around them and that's where Simon found himself staring at him, taking in his beautiful face that seemed to gleam from the inside, the slight stubble on his chin and jawline that was just barely visible and his strong eyebrows that in moments like these were furrowed and built two deep lines between them.

It wasn't long into the semester, but he had already memorized the man's face by heart. He knew that it was a bit creepy, but he couldn't help himself. Every time Simon spotted him in the crowd it was like his eyes were glued to the man's face, watching the way it changed during a conversation with a friend of him or how it was furrowed in concentration when he leaned over a book in the library. Simon didn't share any classes with him, which was probably for the best, but it made Simon wonder about what exactly the man was studying.

At one particular day only about three weeks after the semester began, Simon sat with his twin brother and two of his friends on the grass outside one of the college buildings trying to work on a project, but all they did was enjoying the sunlight and chatting, since it was one of the warmer days of fall. 

Simon had been watching the people roaming around on campus aimlessly until his eyes fell upon the familiar brown skin and he couldn't tear his gaze off of the man as his eyes crinkled when he laughed about something the woman on his side said. She was pretty, with blonde hair and an almost blinding smile and Simon's brows furrowed in jealousy. Before his thoughts could have slipped off though, someone, not very gently, elbowed his side.

“Ow!” he exclaimed and tore his gaze away, only to find his twin brother and his friends watching him closely. North had followed his gaze and grinned and Simon felt deeply exposed, lowering his gaze to the grass and pulling out some of the straws rather violently.

“If you're done gazing longingly at boys we have a project to work on,” Daniel said with a knowing smirk, getting up from his spot on the grass and patting off some straws of grass of his trousers.

“I wasn't...,” Simon trailed off, frowning, and ignored the snickering of his friends, a faint red color tinting his cheeks when North wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Whatever," Daniel replied. "I'm not really sure I want to know what's happening in that head of yours. You coming?"

Simon got up too, repeating the exact same motion his brother did and walked past him, murmuring a silent insult.

The walk to the library wasn't very long and after a few seconds of Daniel picking on Simon they fell into a comfortable silence that lasted through almost all of their separate researching and taking of notes. While Simon really tried to get something done for their project, he couldn't get the man and his companion out of his head. 

He had seen her before, mainly sitting together with the man and his friends eating lunch, but Simon had noticed that there seemed to be a very deep connection between them, even if it was only expressed through glances and casual touches that could have been friendly but also more than that.

He also questioned himself on why exactly he was getting so into this. Simon didn't even know anything about him, not even his name, and although this man was very pleasant to look at, he could be a total douche-bag for all Simon knew… Shaking his head at his very high-schoolish way of thinking about someone, he turned to his brother. 

“What's his name?” Simon asked quietly, nonetheless startling his brother, who had seemed really invested in his book. “The one with the different colored eyes?”

Daniel shot him an annoyed glance and lowered his head again, his eyes scanning the page for the sentence he had just lost. “Markus.”

“How do you know that?” Simon whispered and excitedly fiddled with his fingers underneath the table. He knew that Daniel really wanted to study, but since he now was closer to anything concerning him - Markus, he told himself - he couldn't really keep studying without getting to know more.

“Jesus, Simon, it's not like he's a saint or someone like that. You can talk to him, he's just a normal person like me and you,” Daniel said instead of answering. Simon took a deep breath and nodded, feeling some of the tension he hadn't even acknowledged building up dissolve. He thought about Markus for a few minutes after that, but returned to his studies as soon as his brother showed him a passage he thought could be important for their project.

/////

The next day Simon was absolutely relieved when his classes were over, because it meant that he could finally go to his workplace. Since morning he had felt on edge, missing the nature that had surrounded him during their stay at home that no city, no matter how green it was, could make up for.

Simon worked at a flower shop in town, where they not only sold cut flowers but also flowers and other plants in pots and everything one would need for them. The main building was where their customers entered and where they could look at the flowers, buy them or be given advice. It wasn't really a big room, but it was furnished with a lot of wooden shelves on which most of the flowers stood, with some pots that hung down from the ceiling on hooks and a wooden table - also covered with plants - that served as a register as well as a surface for tying bouquets. Small lamps and even some fairy lights gave everything a warm and welcoming light and made everyone feel at home.

The smaller part of the flower shop - that was located behind it in something like a back yard - was a greenhouse where they kept the more exotic flowers like begonias and snapdragons and where they nursed the young plants.

Most people might have found it weird, but Simon loved working in the greenhouse more than he did in the main building. He was surrounded by sweet smells, humid air and many different colors that he connected with the feeling of home and which brought peace to his mind no matter how he felt before he got in.

Beside Simon there was only one other person working in the shop and that was Kara, a small woman a little older than himself, with short brown hair, a dazzling smile and an obsession with flowers similar to Simon's. She was married to a guy named Luther, who was, physically, the exact opposite of Kara, with broad shoulders, darker skin and many muscles, but Simon had a suspicion he was an even bigger softie than her. He had met Luther only a few times when he had picked up Kara from work, but there was a imperturbable kindness in his eyes and despite looking like a dangerous man he really seemed more like a teddy bear. 

They also had a daughter, Alice, who sometimes spent some time at the flower shop when Luther was still at work, since the school she went to wasn't very far away. She was the sweetest child Simon had ever met and they sometimes played tag outside when it was Kara's turn to finish the shop, Alice out-running him every time (maybe because Simon let her win, but possibly also because Simon was very slow).

When Simon came in that day, Kara was working on arranging new bouquets for the table, since the old ones didn't look that fresh anymore. He greeted her with a small smile and almost immediately made his way over to the greenhouse. He knew Kara didn't mind him not stopping for small talk, because she was one of these people who could pick up other people's moods most of the times and who knew how to react accordingly. Simon found this to be a very valuable trait as he passed her, dropping his backpack in the small room reserved for the staff and making a mental note to talk to her once he had cared for the plants.

The greenhouse was as bright as always, the autumn sun shining warmly through the roof and heating the air inside. The moment Simon's eyes fell onto the many plants it was like a big weight had been dropped off his shoulders and he smiled happily. His tasks included watering the plants on the ground or beneath the bigger ones that couldn't be reached by the automatic sprinkler, so Simon grabbed the watering can standing next to the entrance and began working, humming a soft melody to himself.

He lost himself in the flowers, not thinking about anything other than how to care for every plant specifically. He checked for pest infestation (and was glad when he didn't find anything, because those could be really annoying to deal with, especially in a greenhouse), removed a little bit of weed and stared lovingly at the flowers once he was finished. Simon grinned when he remembered bringing up the idea of a greenhouse in the shared apartment (for fun, he knew perfectly well how to care for plants without a greenhouse), for what he had been chased through the rooms by North (who knew he was only joking, but didn't miss a chance to badger him), Daniel rolling his eyes (who didn't even question Simon's proposal) and a shrug from Josh (who wouldn't have cared if there was a greenhouse, since he was one of the most calm and supporting people Simon knew). Simon shook his head fondly as he thought about his friends and found himself comparing flowers to them. 

He had done this many times before, but now someone else came to his mind. Simon walked through the narrow rows of the plants and stared at each and every one of them before shaking his head and moving on, trying to find one to match Markus with. Normally it would have been easy for Simon to find the perfect flower for a person, since he had done it many times before and he just knew when he found it, but this time there was no plant that immediately screamed Markus' name like they had done with his friends. 

He pushed those thoughts aside and joined Kara in the front room, where she was binding a bouquet for an older woman. She used blue hydrangeas in the middle and added white dianthuses around them, forming a circle. As he watched Kara add some ivy and oak leaves to it, finishing the bouquet to practically scream admiration and faithfulness, he had a sudden idea.

He knew he was and had always been an unassertive person when it came to strangers, making it hard for him to even build up the courage to talk to new people, let alone ask someone out on a date, since the words always failed him. But looking around he noticed that this time, he might be able to use a different language.

When he left that day he picked up a single orange gerbera with a red colored circle in its center, earning a curious glance from Kara. She often took flowers for Luther or Alice with her, but Simon didn't have a significant other to give flowers to, at least that's what she thought (and she was right).

“That's an interesting choice of color,” she noted. “Orange for strength and warmth, red for love.” She waited a little bit, giving Simon time to decide if he'd like to open up and share or not.

“It's not like he'll know what the color stands for, if he even knows what a gerbera symbolizes,” Simon answered instead. He suddenly felt like an idiot and was on the verge of putting the flower back when Kara chuckled and shook her head fondly.

“Simon, it doesn't matter if he knows the meaning or not. Everyone will be happy about flowers and if this mysterious man got your attention he has to be a nice guy, and nice guys love flowers.” She gave Simon a short hug and took a gerbera for herself, this one in deep red, obviously for Luther.

“Don't you dare overthink this,” she said instead of a goodbye, waving as she left and leaving Simon to close the shop.

/////

But of course Simon overthought it.

“Does he have a girlfriend?” Simon asked that evening when he and Daniel were watching a crappy TV show. He had been overwhelmed by sudden uncertainty, because why in hell would someone like that not be in a relationship? Or interested in men, for that matter?

“Who?” Daniel didn't even bother to tear his gaze away from the screen. He seemed to be really invested in the show, which was probably for the best because Simon felt really stupid as it was and if his brother would throw one glance at him he'd know exactly why Simon asked. Although he probably already did, Simon thought.

“Markus,” he answered truthfully. This time Daniel did look at him, but he seemed really annoyed.

“What the fuck, Simon?” He rolled his eyes and returned his gaze to the TV. “I want to watch this, not think about you lusting after the captain of the soccer team.”

Simon's eyes widened. “He plays soccer?” he whispered, already feeling his face grow hot as he imagined Markus, all sweaty and into it, running with his strong leg muscles-

“Jesus, Simon.”

/////

When Daniel got into the shower just before they all went to bed, Simon remembered something. He by then knew Daniel got really annoyed by Simon when he addressed Markus, so partly to mess with him and partly because he really wanted to know, Simon knocked at the door.

“What about a boyfriend?” he shouted over the sound of running water and through the bathroom door. The only answer he got was a loud scream and an “I will kill you, Simon!”

Simon ran into his room and locked the door before Daniel had the chance to get out of the shower and come after him. He flopped onto his bed, giggling, and felt like he was six again, running away from his brother after he caught him playing with his toys.

When he had calmed down and couldn’t hear a sign of Daniel in front of his room's door, he stared at the flower blankly. He didn't really have a plan, which wasn't really optimal, since he was not going to walk up to Markus, press the flower into his hand and run away. He wanted to maintain a little bit of his dignity after all.

Simon decided that he would find an opportunity on the next day because no way in hell would he ask Josh, who also played soccer and probably knew Markus better than Daniel. Simon knew that Josh probably would help him, because he was a water violet kind of person, friendly, unobtrusive, calm and helpful, but Simon didn't want to put up with his understanding eyes and kind words in case he had to explain to Simon that Markus did, in fact, have a significant other. Simon didn't want to put up with the thought of someone being on the receiving end of Markus' smiles, touches and kisses.

When he got into bed, sleep didn't come easily.

/////

Simon woke up to the first rays of sunshine the next morning and for a blissful moment he didn't remember that he had planned to do the first move towards Markus last night, but then his gaze fell upon the single gerbera in his favorite vase, standing innocently on his desk. He groaned and buried his face back into his pillow and refused to lift it until he heard Josh coming back from his morning jog. He reluctantly got out of bed, fulfilled his morning routine and joined his friend for breakfast (Josh ate porridge like he usually did, checking the news on his phone and smiling brightly at Simon), chatting a little bit with him. When he excused himself into his room to put the flower into a box to make sure it wouldn't be squished between his books, he felt a rush of nervous excitement in his stomach. 

This was probably the only thing coming close to an adventure for Simon, since he normally enjoyed his uneventful life that never left any room for drama or negativity – much to North’s dismay, since she loved the gossip – but he couldn’t help grinning to himself when he trailed after his friends on the short walk to campus. Although he knew so many things could go wrong (someone could catch him, Markus could catch him, Markus could ignore the flower and so on) Simon felt that he was doing the right thing.

When his last class ended, Simon went to the library instead of following his friends home and earned some very bewildered glances from Daniel. Simon opted for a casual grin and shrugged and for once he seemed to convince his brother, who narrowed his eyes for a second but followed North after she had waved in Simon’s direction.

Simon turned around and went in the direction of the library with an extra slow pace. He had a lot of time to spare and sat onto a chair next to one of the huge windows, carefully pulling out the box with the flower as if it was his most precious possession. He looked around to make sure nobody was watching him (which was ridiculous since only a couple of students sat on the tables and all of them were deeply concentrated, burying their noses into books or staring at computer screens) and sneaked a look at the flower that still looked freshly picked because Simon had wrapped its stalk in wetted papers and had made sure those were watered during the day. 

Simon wanted to put it onto Markus’ pile of clothing in the locker room when he was outside on the field practicing so that he would have a nice surprise waiting for him when he returned. Simon thought it was a brilliant plan, but he had to wait for the practice to start and that's why he had chosen to go to the library and wait there.

The time passed painfully slow. The hand on the big clock above the entrance seemed to move in slow motion, one minute feeling like an eternity. Simon tried to do something useful for school, like working on that paper he had to hand in in three days, and for a short time it seemed to work. He found the right book and scribbled down his ideas, but his gaze kept wandering to the box that was once again hidden in his backpack. He could practically see the flower laying in it, all innocently like it wasn’t the most stupid idea Simon ever had.

When the clock showed half past four, Simon packed his things and left the library. He knew that soccer practice was about to begin since Josh always left at four fifteen and had invited Simon countless times to watch. Had Simon known that Markus was a part of the soccer team he definitely would have joined his friend, but at the time he had asked it was either cold and rainy or it hadn’t seemed like the perfect way to spend his afternoon because Simon had something else to do. He felt a bit bad about it now because Josh was probably trying to help in his nice, unobtrusive way and Simon had been too stupid to notice.

With every step he took, Simon’s heart beat a little bit faster. It was racing as if Simon had been running a marathon by the time he entered the gymnasium and could hear voices from outside yell soccer related things, the muffled sound of training shoes and cheering, followed by a sharp whistle.

Simon made sure no one was seeing him when he made his way over to the locker rooms. He had thousands of excuses ready in case someone found him in there (“Oh, Josh told me it was okay to get something from his bag!” or “Sorry, can you show me the way to the toilets? I don’t come here often”, totally believable things from his super spy-like brain, of course!), but everyone seemed to be either participating in or watching the game.

Simon carefully opened the door and switched on the lights, prepared to run away in case someone was in there, but found the room empty. It didn’t take him long to make out Markus’ pile, since he knew what outfit he wore that day (Simon cringed a little bit at that, because even he knew that this was the behavior of a pathetic and creepy fool), drop the flower onto the neatly folded clothes with the petals and core facing the door and leave again. Simon was stressed to the maximum and he practically ran out of the building the second he left the locker room and only breathed normally again after he shut the door of his room behind him.


	2. Sunflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy Simon is a good Simon

Despite him having been breathless and nervous after dropping the flower and running away, Simon grinned like the biggest idiot in the galaxy when he entered their apartment. He couldn't help himself; he was hopeful and happy, finally having something exciting happening in his life that involved another person. Simon liked to keep himself to him and thus never experienced something quite like this, so when North saw him entering the flat on her way over to the kitchen, she looked at him with suspicion.

"What's the matter with you?" she asked as Simon walked over and gave her a big hug.

"Just a very good day," he answered and went to his room, leaving behind a very bewildered North, watching him close his door with a baffled look on her face.

Simon dropped his backpack and let himself fall onto his bed, feeling like a teenager in a romance movie. It was then that he really thought about his plan and came across how nothing in life ever worked out like it did in romance movies and that he maybe just got his hopes up for something that might never work out. Maybe Markus was one of the few people who didn't like flowers. Maybe he thought it was a creepy thing to find a flower on his clothes, dropped there by a total stranger. Maybe he already had someone. Maybe he wasn't even interested in men.

Simon sighed and decided that he needed something to take his mind off the whole disaster that was his crush on Markus and pulled out the assignment he needed to finish, determined to continue. It took some tries for Simon to be able to concentrate properly, since every time he tried to read a part of the book he needed for his assignment his mind wandered off, worrying about all the what if’s and he couldn’t remember what he had read once he caught himself. But when he finally reached work mode after fifteen minutes of distraction, all of his problems wandered into the back of his mind and all he now thought about were teaching strategies, qualities of the “perfect teacher” and his future workplace, elementary school.

When the sun had set and the apartment was filled with the delicious smell of something topped with cheese and baked in the oven, Simon noticed how hungry he was. He had worked on the assignment for so long he was almost finished, his back sore and his stomach empty. He got up and groaned when his back protested painfully, stretched – his back made a series of cracking sounds – and unlocked his door. He found his friends already sitting at the table in the kitchen and when Simon watched how Daniel told a joke and North laughed so hard tears streamed down her face while Josh shook his head with a fond smile, he felt himself ease up.

“Simon!” Josh smiled brightly at him and pulled something out of the oven which looked suspiciously like lasagna, one of Simon’s favorite dishes, especially when Josh made it. It was exactly what he needed right now. He watched North grinning up at him and was very sure that this had been her idea.

"What's the occasion?" Simon asked as he sat down and got a big plate full of lasagna from Josh. The lasagna was perfectly layered, Simon could see each sheet of lasagna and the tomato sauce in between, mixed with various vegetables since Josh didn't eat any meat and he was the cook in the house. Not that anyone was complaining, Josh's dishes always tasted good, no matter what they were made of.

"Well, I just thought, as I saw your overly happy face this afternoon," North began and grinned, "I hadn't eaten this for a long time!"

"Oh, so my happy face reminds you of lasagna?" Simon teased. North winked at him, then she solemnly gripped the hands of Simon and Daniel, who here sitting next to her.

"We thank the cooking Gods for gracing us with some of their presence through Josh, their loyal servant. May he forever stay in their services to delight us with his treats. Amen."

Daniel shot her an annoyed but fond look, murmuring "What are you even saying?" before freeing his hand softly from North's and beginning to eat. Simon laughed at this and Josh shook his head, then they joined him, at first only enjoying the deliciousness that was the lasagna (North moaning dramatically to voice her delight and Josh hiding his face in his hand, probably from embarrassment) before exchanging stories about their day. 

Simon listened as North told a story about a girl named Chloe, who had apparently “randomly” asked her out after class and Simon couldn’t help but notice how although North laughed it off she very much liked the idea of going on a date with this Chloe person. Her cheeks were colored faintly pink and her smile was a little too wide and excited for only a random and weird encounter. Maybe if Simon hadn’t been so preoccupied with his little obsession with Markus he would have noticed if North had seemed interested in her before or not.

Simon found himself laughing with his friends and forgot all his worries concerning Markus after North had pulled the attention on herself. He wondered how people could be less obvious with their crushes than he was, not staring at them the second they entered the room and not feeling like complete and awkward idiots when getting asked out by them. But maybe North felt that way and was just really good at hiding it, Simon told himself and relaxed as Josh tried to top her story with an encounter he had on a party, where a random girl had asked him if he wanted to have sex with her (“She was obviously drunk,” Josh said and laughed) and he had spent at least fifteen minutes trying to explain to her that he wasn’t interested in having sex with anyone.

“And when she tried to find the fault in her I specified that I wasn’t interested in anyone that way and then it just got really awkward.” North hollered with laughter and wiped a tear out of her eye before Daniel began to tell another story.

Simon grinned and listened to his friends and their crazy love lives, completely content with just sitting there and laughing with them until it was really late and he excused himself and went to bed.

(He dreamed of Markus, holding the gerbera and smiling.)

/////

After breakfast the next morning, when they were already running late, Josh called for him and when Simon entered his room, he looked at him apologetically.

“Can you help me find my German text book?” he asked and Simon sighed. He couldn’t say no to Josh, even if it meant maybe being late to uni. It didn’t take them long to find it, but Daniel and North hadn’t waited for them (probably because they were late more often than them and didn’t want to risk anything), so it was only Josh and Simon on the way to campus. When they needed to go in different directions, Josh to the linguistic’s wing and Simon to the educational one, Josh stopped and waited for Simon to turn around.

“So,” Josh began and looked at Simon with a small smile. “Markus found a flower on his clothes after practice yesterday.”

Simon looked straight ahead and tried to look as carefully uninterested as possible. 

(He, of course, already knew Josh could see through his lies.)

“Did he now?” he asked and avoided looking at his friend, feeling a faint heat rising to his cheeks. He cursed at his body for betraying him, but Josh only kept on smiling and didn’t comment on Simon’s obvious non-verbal answer.

“He asked if anyone of the team saw the person dropping it off, or if we had a suspicion on who it could be.” He paused meaningfully for a second, but Simon didn’t answer. Instead all of his worries and fear came rushing back to him as he stared at the floor intensely. “I didn’t say anything of course, calm down Simon.”

Josh laid a hand on Simon’s shoulder and Simon could hear the grin in Josh’s voice when he spoke.

“He really seemed to like it, he smiled at it and gingerly picked it up to take it with him,” Josh said casually. Simon raised his head quickly and narrowed his eyes at his friend, to see if he was messing around. But Josh just stood there while Simon processed the information with his mouth opened in surprise. He felt a rush of happiness coming from this information and he began grinning like an idiot.

"Well, the person dropping the flower must feel really happy then," Simon said, laughing at Josh rolling his eyes at him, obviously knowing.

“I risked being late for this,” Josh said and turned around. “You better make something out of it!” he yelled over his shoulder and left Simon standing in the hallway. For the remainder of the day he lived in a happy bubble and sometimes skipped while walking.

/////

“Look at you,” Kara said with a small smile when he came in for work in the afternoon. Simon had grinned at her the second he had entered the shop and had crushed her in a big hug before almost singing a greeting, whistling while he dropped his backpack in the staff room.

Simon’s great mood had lasted all day and had confused the hell out of all his classmates, who only knew him as the shy kid sitting in the back of the room, but today he had participated in the conversation and had practically been a ray of sunshine.

“He liked it,” Simon explained, still grinning, while he tied his apron around his back. He thought he had seen Kara looking a bit more stressed than usual, but when he looked again, she seemed to be her normal, positive self.

“That’s great news, Simon!” Kara exclaimed and gave him one of the most heartwarming smiles he’d ever seen. His great mood seemed to affect her positively too and all the way through their shift the wrinkle between her eyebrows didn’t return.

Simon tied a lot of bouquets, mostly symbolizing romantic love. He got confused but not weird glances from his customers, who also seemed to leave the store in a better mood than when they had entered.

Simon had thought about which flower to get for Markus a long time, but when they closed the store he picked up a sunflower without hesitation. 

“I’m trying to not look desperate here,” he answered on Kara’s curious glance and she smiled and put up her arms in surrender. Simon knew sunflowers didn’t really portray a romantic message, but rather sent a happy, confident note and that was exactly how Simon felt and anything other than taking small steps towards whatever the hell he was doing didn't feel right to him.

He went out of the store and locked the door after Kara had left and when he turned around to say goodbye, he found his friend in the arms of Luther and couldn’t help but smile again.

He waved at both of them and walked back home.

/////

The next day came and Simon almost didn’t find an opportunity to get the flower to Markus. He had barely seen him during the day and got distracted by Connor during lunch, who was an exchange student from Seattle and had bombarded him with questions about his studies, so when he walked down one of the long corridors to get home, the sunflower still rested in his backpack. 

Only by coincidence he then saw Markus enter the library building and hurried to get inside too. He tried to look as normal as possible while he kept an eye on Markus and followed him with a little bit of distance. Markus walked straight to the art section of the library, which was located in the very back and Simon’s heart raced when Markus sat down at one of the free tables and pulled out a red folder with a lot of paper inside. When he opened it, Simon almost gasped out lout because the paper lying on top of the others showed a huge sunflower field, painted with colored pencils.

Simon watched as Markus smiled fondly at the paper and turned to the next page, which was filled with words Simon couldn’t read. 

He dropped his things on one of the tables farther away from everyone else and stared at the blank space in front of him. Not only did Markus play soccer, he also painted pictures of flowers. Simon found his heart melting at the thought of Markus sitting in front of a sunflower field in the summer, looking at the flowers and catching the warmth and light they gave off, the soft movement of the pencil on top of the paper as he captured the exact feeling of that moment.

Whenever Simon had thought that he’d been in love, it had been from afar. He also questioned himself every time he found another person interesting if he was really in love with them or if he was simply attracted to their soul, without the person attached to it. Because Simon couldn’t really imagine being with someone. Of course he wanted more than anything to experience real romantic love with someone, but with every person he had met he just hadn’t been able to picture himself next to, cuddling while watching a movie or randomly kissing them on the mouth when seeing them in public. 

It began like this with Markus too: Watching him from afar, admiring his looks and slowly learning about his personality through his friends, but there had been something else. The fast beating of his heart when he thought about Markus or when their gazes accidentally met across the room, small smiles and red ears.

Simon cursed himself for being so dreamy as he pulled out a book and began to read it. His eyes followed the lines on the pages but his attention lay on Markus, who was frowning deeply at the writing in front of him, a yellow highlighter in his right hand. From the corner of his eye Simon saw how Markus clicked the cap onto the pen, put it away and rose, walking to the art section again and leaving Simon’s field of vision.

He knew that this was his time to act. There was only one person in this part of the library and they seemed to be really invested in their laptop, pressing the keyboard quickly while listening to music through headphones. Simon quickly gathered his things, pulled out the sunflower and peeked around the corner to make sure Markus couldn’t see him before dropping it on top of his folder, careful to not wet any of his papers with the stem. 

Adrenaline rushed through his veins when he left, almost expecting Markus to yell after him, but there was no one coming. A little bit disappointed but also very relieved by that he made his way home, feeling lighter than before.


	3. Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is a party and Simon and Markus talk to each other for the first time.

The next flower he took was a white lily. It was his mother’s favorite flower and she had told Simon before that if he had been a girl, his name would have been Lily, just because she adored the flower's delicate petals and the careful beauty. And Simon could understand why: The Lily was almost majestic, beautiful to look at and it symbolized elegance and dignity while additionally being a messenger for respect and affection. It was the perfect choice, Simon thought.

This time he had actually made up his mind on how to get the flower to Markus. He had gotten up extra early (and had gone to bed extra early to still get his nine hours of sleep) and when he walked to uni the sun was just rising above the buildings, painting the sky in the most beautiful shades of orange and red. 

Despite the sun setting early and rising late, Simon loved fall. He loved the smell of the chilly air, carrying a promise of winter and frostiness, loved that he could wrap himself in comfortable sweaters and jackets. But on top of all that, Simon loved to shuffle through the colorful leaves on the ground, making rustling sounds. It reminded him of their huge garden at home, where his brother and he would jump into the big piles of leaves they had raked together with their whole family during the day and the warm cocoa that followed.

Simon repeated the noise with his feet and smiled to himself, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket, a warm and content feeling bubbling up inside of him.

When he entered the university building his nose was red and his face cold. While walking through the empty linguistics building to get to his destination, Simon felt his face slowly warming up again, tickling in the process. He was headed to the few lockers that existed in the university where he knew Markus had one too. Simon had seen him use it often, mostly while chatting with his friends, but he had been too preoccupied to look at what he pulled out of there. Now he wished he had paid more attention to it, because only few people even used one and those were mostly students that studied something where they needed the extra space for material that they didn’t want to carry with them from where they lived. Simon wondered if Markus stored painting utensils in there, since he had seen the painted picture of the sunflowers in his folder.

When Simon reached Markus’ locker, he pulled out the lily from the box in his backpack and attached it to the handle, making sure it wouldn’t fall off. Satisfied with his work and with a little bit of heartache at the thought that Markus would probably smile at it, Simon made his way to the educational building and waited for his classes to start.

/////

When he came home after spending way more time at the library than he had intended to, finally finishing that assignment he had been working on, exciting chattering and music could be heard from the kitchen. It was Friday after all and Simon knew that his flatmates would have some of their friends over for dinner and a small party afterwards. He tossed off his shoes, put his keys on the counter (and noticed that everyone else’s keys where also there) and hanged his jacket onto a hanger before making his way to the kitchen. He recognized Josh’s deep voice, North’s laughter and Daniel’s exaggerated sigh, but there were a few voices he couldn’t immediately assign. 

When he entered the kitchen, he had to pause for a second to take in the sight: North and Daniel were standing next to the counter, apparently trying to mix something together in a big bowl but messing everything up because they were loudly arguing over something, both of them trying to get a grip on the bowl.

Josh sat at the table with the blond haired girl Simon had seen Markus with sometimes and seemed to be deeply invested in their conversation, using wide gesticulations to underline the statements he was making. The girl nodded at something he said and responded, but Simon couldn’t hear the conversation because the music swallowed their words.

There were a few more people in the room that Simon recognized as his friend’s friends – whom he knew but didn’t have that big of a bond with. He was debating on where to go since he didn’t want to interrupt Josh’s conversation with the girl (which seemed to be very interesting to both of them) but also didn’t want to be in the middle of North’s and Daniel’s argument. The decision was taken from him when North noticed him and waved him over. 

“Please tell me your on my side,” North said instead of a greeting. She had the momentary control over the bowl and held it in her hand as if she had to protect it from Daniel, who stood in front of her with his arms crossed and who rolled his eyes at her words.

“He’s my twin, of course he’s on my side,” he replied and both of his friends looked at him expectantly. 

“Okay first off, I’m on neither of your sides since you’re arguing over a bowl. Second of all, do I even want to know what this is about?” Simon asked and grinned at his friends. North put on a fake hurt expression and Daniel sighed.

“We are debating,” his brother answered and shot North the stink-eye, “about whether we put whole milk chocolate or dark chocolate into our cookie dough.”

Simon snorted and shook his head. “Why don’t you put both in there and love each other again?” he asked and scooped some of the dough up with his fingers to taste it. It was absolutely sweet, but so delicious Simon could have eaten it all right on the spot.

“No,” North replied and shook her head vehemently. With a pout on her lips and eyebrows furrowed she looked like a child who didn’t get what they wanted. It was kind of adorable to look at. “Because Chloe is vegan and we already made the whole fucking dough vegan, so why can’t we put in dark chocolate as well?”

“Because it’s disgusting!” Daniel said and threw up his hands. 

Simon shook his head again and couldn’t believe that his friends were arguing over such a small thing.

“So separate the dough and put dark chocolate in one and whole milk chocolate in the other,” Simon suggested. North and Daniel quickly pondered over that and finally looked at each other. North stuck out one hand and used a solemn voice.

“Do you, Daniel of the house of flower family, accept the peace offering under the new agreements?” Simon saw that she was almost laughing and grinned at his brother, who shook North’s hand reluctantly, exaggerated distrust in his face.

She carefully put down the bowl and got a big spoon, separating the dough in two perfect halves and tossing the one half over to Daniel. They both hacked the chocolate in small pieces and put them into the dough, content with each other. Not a second later they began to sing along to the music as if nothing had happened. 

Simon watched them fondly. Daniel kneaded the dough to the beat and North pretended the spoon to be a microphone and sang along loudly, which got the attention of the whole room. 

“Work it, girl!” shouted the blonde and laughed, watching North with an adoring gaze. 

Oh, so that’s Chloe, Simon thought and was relieved but also felt like the biggest dumbass in the world. She was the girl he had seen hang out with Markus on multiple occasions, but he never knew that she was the one who had asked out North. Seeing her look at North that way also made it very clear to Simon that this seemed to have gone well for them, which made him feel very happy for both of them.

When the doorbell rang, Simon volunteered to open since he was closest to the door and both North and Daniel had cookie dough all over their fingers (North even had a bit in her hair). 

He opened the door and nearly choked when he saw who stood there. It was Markus, holding a bowl with some kind of salad in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. Simon’s heart rate sped up when he saw realization in Markus’ face, followed by a big smile.

“Hi!” Markus exclaimed. “You’re the guy I ran over!”

He stepped into the apartment and a whiff of a scent followed him that smelled so good that Simon wanted to bury his face in Markus’ shoulder.

That and him being Markus in general.

He wore a warm yellow sweater underneath a black coat that almost reached his ankles and black, loose jeans. Simon stared open mouthed at him for a few seconds before he caught himself, cleared his throat and blushed before he nodded.

“What’s your name?” Markus asked while he took off his coat and shoes and Simon noticed that he wore socks with a completely crazy pattern of geometrical shapes in different colors that still somehow fitted the yellow of his sweater. It made him fall in love with him a little bit more.

“Simon,” he said and was proud that his voice didn’t shake. He was so nervous that this would have been no surprise but for once his body didn’t betray him and he sent a quick thank you to whoever was listening to his thoughts.

“Huh, I expected something different, but that name really fits you.” Markus smiled warmly and Simon screamed internally. Did this mean that Markus had thought about him too? Or did he just have a really good memory for faces? 

Markus suddenly got closer and Simon was on the brink of exploding when Markus hugged him shortly. He smelled so nice and the hug he gave was tight, not like one of those hugs some people give each other where they barely touch each other. Simon’s knees got weaker but before he could faint Markus released him.

“I’m Markus, nice to meet you without one of us getting hurt.”

When Markus pulled away, Simon got a closer look at his face, where he only then noticed a small, golden ring in the place where a septum piecing would sit, but Markus' being so small and without a gap that it could be easily overseen. Simon stared at it for a few second, not able to process just how good it looked on him. Catching himself before it could have gotten too awkward, Simon took the bowl and the bottle out of Markus hands. 

"Have you had his for a long time?" Simon asked - casually - and pointed to his own nose, trying not to sound like he was surprised at himself for not having seen it before.

Markus looked confused for a second before recognition crossed his face and he laughed. "Well, I have actually, but I don't always wear it since no one is allowed to wear any kind of jewelry during sports. Chloe, the blond haired girl who's also supposed to be here, made me get it."

Markus noticed Simon's puzzled look (that Simon was pretty sure Markus thought to be of some other origin, like not understanding why he would just get a piercing because someone told him to, not the real one which was Simon still admiring the additional beauty it brought to Markus' face) and laughed again.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't have gotten it if I hadn't liked it a little bit as well. But I was a little afraid of it because they use a very big needle, but Chloe and I made a bet which I lost, to she had me finally get it." Markus shrugged and smiled softly.

"Well, it looks very good on you," Simon said quietly while not looking at Markus, his heart beating very fast.

"Thank you," Markus answered and when Simon finally gathered the courage to look at his face, he was beaming. Simon carefully smiled back, but then turned around to walk in the direction of the kitchen, signalling Markus to follow him.

“So... What do you study?” Markus asked and Simon was very grateful for the light small talk because he knew that he was way too nervous to lead a conversation.

“Oh, I want to become a teacher for elementary schools,” Simon answered with a small smile as he very fondly remembered the children he had worked with during his gap year after high school. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Markus said just as they were walking through the kitchen door. Markus spotted Josh, who stood over North’s bowl and mixed the chocolate into the dough with his hands, because North apparently had decided to make Chloe her prime interest again.

Josh raised his head just as Markus and Simon were stepping into the kitchen and a big smile broke out on his face when he noticed them. Before Markus went over to his friend, he touched Simon’s arm gently.

“You seem like a very sweet and dedicated person and I already know the children are going to love you,” Markus said and left a totally flushed Simon standing in the door frame, who could not believe his ears. He stared blankly at Markus’ back, who was now greeting Josh with a strong hug, totally not what Simon had expected from two guys playing soccer. 

The whole evening had turned from being just a normal to a what-the-hell-is-happening Friday night. Simon had no doubt that Josh had been planning this for some time, even if it seemed to be just a coincidence that Simon was the one who had to open the door. But he felt so lucky to have such a friend that he was tempted to go over to Josh and declare his platonic love for him, but that would have been really awkward considering Markus was still standing next to him and probably didn't know his circle of friends well enough to be aware that these kinds of things often happened.

Before he could think about this longer, the doorbell rang again and Simon went to open the door.

The first thing he saw was a fluffy mass of white and brown fur that belonged to a huge dog that sat well-behavedly in front of the doorstep, wagging its tail slowly and panting with its equally large tongue sticking out of his mouth. Behind the dog stood Connor, an apologetic smile on his face.

"Hello Simon," he said and walked into the room when Simon moved to the side to make space for him. The dog rose to its feet and followed Connor, stopping at Simon and sniffing at his hand before licking at it wholeheartedly.

"Sumo, stop," Connor ordered sharply, but Simon grinned.

"I didn't know you brought a dog with you from Seattle," Simon noted and gave him a small hug. Sumo sat next to them on the floor, watching them closely.

"I didn't," Connor sighed. "Hank, the one I'm staying with, asked me to care for Sumo today and I forgot that I was invited here, so I thought I'd just bring him with me. I promise he won't trouble anyone!"

Simon shook his head at Connor, but had to grin at the same time. "I think that'll be fine."

And indeed it was fine, luckily no one was allergic to dogs and so Sumo was a highlight of the evening. He was a very good dog, enjoying pets from everyone and not stealing from the table where all the food stood, even if he looked at it very intensely.

Chloe had sat herself next to him onto the ground to properly pet him, her legs stretched out which Sumo took as an invitation to rest his head on top of them, making her laugh. Simon noticed North watching her lovingly, shooting murderous glances at Simon when she saw him looking at her, to which he raised his hands in surrender. 

Once everybody was there and the cookies were taken out of the oven (North had built a small wall of baking paper between the ones with dark chocolate and the ones with milk chocolate, probably just to badger with Daniel in her very North-y way), everyone grabbed a plate and went over to get some of the delicious looking food there. Simon's mouth watered from just looking at it, so when he finally had something on his plate, he sat down next to Chloe and North onto a pillow on the ground and ate. North had gotten a plate for Chloe as well, since she couldn't really stand up without having to move Sumo away, and when she pulled North's head to her's to give her a kiss, Simon's heart ached for something like this.

His gaze subconsciously wandered around to look for Markus, who he found still standing at the table, loading some of the food onto his plate. When he was done and turned around to look for a place to sit, he caught Simon's gaze and smiled at him, immediately coming closer.

Simon nervously scooted to the side to make space for Markus, who grabbed a pillow and sat down next to him, their knees almost touching. 

"The food looks delicious," Markus noted, smiling at North and Chloe before turning his attention back on Simon. 

"Oh yeah, it was mostly Josh to be honest," Simon responded, noticing the way North stared at him intensely. "And Daniel and North participated with the cookies, but a war almost broke out," he added, pointedly looking at his flatmate.

"Ha ha," she answered dryly and moved to stand up. "I'm going to sit with Josh, who doesn't pick on my fierce assertiveness when baking. Are you coming with me?" Chloe nodded and carefully moved her legs, Sumo looking at her confusedly.

"I'm sorry my love," she said to the dog, using a high-pitched baby voice. "But I have to leave you now. I'm joining my other love." 

North snorted and took her hand and together they left looking for Josh, which resulted in Sumo rising to his feet only to walk a few steps and lay down next to Markus with a thump, making him laugh.

"I feel so honored," he said solemnly with his hand spread across his heart. "You're such a good boy!" Sumo's ears peaked at that and Markus made a series of cooing noises while he ruffled through Sumo's fur with his free hand. It looked to adorable that Simon took out his phone to take a picture, Markus willingly posing with his head halfway buried in the fur of the dog's back. 

Simon's heart almost burst at the sight and the thought that he now owned a completely adorable picture of Markus didn't make it easier. 

"I'm just going to eat my food now, all my myself," he teased and asked himself at the same time where all of his social clumsiness and awkwardness had vanished to. He felt just like a normal, happy guy hanging out with his friends on Friday night.

Markus gave Sumo a last pat on the head and turned his attention back to Simon, who pointedly looked away and ate his food, only halfway concealing a smile.

"Oh, okay, so that's how it's gonna be now, I see," Markus chuckled. When Simon didn't react, Markus reached out to Simon and ruffled through his hair, startling him, which resulted in Simon almost dropping his plate as he ducked away from his hand, his heartbeat increasing at the close proximity of Markus and the touch of his hand.

"Stop it!" he exclaimed and laughed, red in the face and now turned fully to Markus. "Okay, okay, I surrender."

Markus grinned and looked down, and Simon wondered what he was thinking about. He waited for his heartbeat to settle down, but it didn't, instead it jumped a bit when Markus looked up and caught him watching.

Simon looked down at his plate, suddenly getting insecure once more, and tried to hide his no doubt totally red face with picking up some food and eating.

There was a bit of silence then, both contently eating their food, until Simon raised his voice again. "I didn't ask what you study."

Markus smiled as he answered. "Well, that's a bit of a long story, actually."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Simon shrugged and carefully smiled back.

"Okay, well, I started with taking a lot of different courses since I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. I actually took a gap year where I did a lot of social work and tried to figure out what I wanted to do for a living and I always wanted to do something that can make a difference, for real, but I found it hard to settle on one thing, since there is so much wrong with the world and so many different things to study to actually, really do something to make a change, you know?" He made a short break and pushed some of the food on his plate from one side to another.

"For example, I could study Coastal and Marine Management or Hydrology, which would definitely help me find a job to help save the oceans, you know? Or I could study Anthropology, which could help me understand the past of humans to better understand how it even would be possible for us to reach this level of..." Markus waved his hands around and Simon could practically feel the deep waves of disheartenment emerging from him and all he wanted to do was reach out to Markus but he kept his hands to himself, thinking about Markus' words instead.

Markus sighed. "Sometimes all I want to do is start a revolution to get this absolute asshole off of his high horse, or at least run for president because everyone can do better than Trump." Simon raised his eyebrows, not really having expected this outburst of passion, but nonetheless agreeing with him silently.

Markus must have misinterpreted Simon's reaction, because he lowered his head an quickly apologized.

"I'm sorry, it's just- I don't understand how people in his position can be so dense, not caring about the planet they live on? Straight up denying climate change while being head of one of the biggest carbon dioxide emissioning countries? Just because we probably won't get to experience the consequences doesn't mean that they won't come."

Markus took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Simon had rarely in his life admired a person so much like he admired Markus right now. Caring with all his being about the planet and trying everything in his power to help it was a type of courage Simon hadn't really come across in someone, at least not with this much passion.

"No, I get it," Simon answered, carefully choosing his words. "After all, our planet can easily survive without us, but we can't. It's quite sad that not everybody understands this."

Markus raised his head at his words, looking for something in Simon's face and apparently finding it, because a second later a small but earnest smile formed on his lips. They just kept looking at each other like that for a few seconds, Simon feeling the faint redness already creeping up on his cheeks. He was the first one to look away, but he kept a small smile on his face nevertheless.

"Anyway, to answer you original question," Markus said, laughing quietly, breaking the tension that had built up, "currently I'm studying Communications, but I'm not really sure that's the right one either."

"I'm sure you'll find the right thing for you," Simon said and Markus hummed in return. They continued to eat in silence, but Simon felt like something had shifted between them; there was an underlying feeling of understanding between them now.

Simon spent the rest of the evening chatting away with everyone, singing along to the music and eating much much more. Whenever he saw Markus somewhere in the room, he smiled to himself, thinking about how he felt something else join his previous crush: affection.


	4. St John's Wort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Simon goes to see Markus play soccer.

Simon felt like he could never ever get rid of the smile that had been plastered on his face since he started talking to Markus. It stayed on his face as he helped his friends clean up the flat after everyone had left (Markus had given him a hug like he the one he had given him when he arrived, but this time he held Simon a little bit longer than necessary - although that could also have been Simon's imagination since he had felt a little tipsy at the end of the evening), as he changed into his sleeping clothes and as he watered the plants in his room. He was certain it didn't even vanish when he was fast asleep, dreaming - yet again - of Markus. 

There wasn't much happening on Saturday; Simon passed the time with watching some Netflix and cleaning his room a little bit. He also might or might not have looked at the picture he had taken of Markus with Sumo before they ate a lot of times. When it was dark outside, someone knocked at his door.

"Come in," Simon said, laying comfortably on his bed with his laptop on his chest, watching a documentation on the wildlife in the Amazon rain forest. When he raised his head, tearing away his gaze from a shot of a three-toed sloth hanging upside down from an enormous branch, he saw Josh standing in the door.

"I've been asking you this before, but would you like to come to a soccer match tomorrow? Jericho's playing," Josh asked innocently, but Simon knew him well enough to notice the unsaid part of the question. _Would you like an excuse to see Markus playing?_ was the implication that shone from Josh's words, clear to Simon as if he had said them out loud. But Simon wasn't complaining, because ever since he had learned from Daniel that Markus played in the university's soccer team (they called themselves Jericho, still a mystery to Simon what exactly this name meant), he had wanted to go badly. 

"Yeah, sure," Simon answered and grinned. "I've always wanted to see you play."

Josh laughed. "Sure. _Me._ " Then he left, shutting the door softly.

When he woke up on Sunday morning, the first thing Simon saw was the yellow blossom of his St John's Wort plant standing at his windowsill. He didn't intend to bring a flower to the match, but then again, why shouldn't he?

St. John's Wort was not a typical flower one would put into a bouquet; Simon was sure that most people didn't even know that the flower existed, although it really was a shame. The flower was beautiful to look at: a thin stem with only a few leaves here and there was carrying a lot of yellow flowers that, when opened, showed off a lot of long stamens. 

The plant meant a great deal to Simon, because it was one of the first plants his grandma had given to him, saying that it was an ultimate ward against all evil. Simon had learned that it also helped against depression, and since Simon had never been depressed in his life, he liked to think that this was because of the flower, that it worked like a dreamcatcher, taking away all evil before it could even reach him. In a wider sense it also stood for affection and hope, making it the perfect flower to give to Markus next.

Simon carefully cut two blossoms that were connected through a part of the stem off of the side of the plant so it wouldn't be that obvious and put them into a glass of water. 

Then he spent an awful long time looking through his clothes as if he would be going on a date. Simon shook his head at his behavior and grabbed something warm, his favorite pullover that had sleeves so long he could pull them over his hands, with a hole in each to stick his thumb through. Then he used his usual keeping-the-flower-safe-and-watered method and joined Josh in the hallway of their apartment, grinning like an idiot.

As they walked in the crisp morning air, the sun shining but not really having enough power to warm them, Simon took a deep breath and sighed contently.

"Sooo… Did you have a good time on Friday?" Josh asked as they reached the campus, deserted except for a few people who came to study and a few that Simon assumed must be playing sports too: He saw two girls wearing ponytails and old fashioned sweatbands on their wrists, a guy with a tennis racket and a small group of people in matching colorful sportswear with yoga mats under their arms.

"I did, actually," Simon answered truthfully. Josh waited and Simon knew that he wanted to ask about Markus but at the same time didn't want to push him. Simon was bursting with energy and happiness at the thought of the evening and decided that he just had to tell someone about it and since Josh was the best listener he knew he decided to confide in him.

Once Simon had started retelling the evening from his point of view the words seemed to be spilling out of his mouth like a waterfall and Simon wasn't sure he would have been able to stop them. He was also very aware that he probably sounded like a stereotypical teenage girl in love, but then again he didn't actually care because he knew Josh wouldn't find it weird but would be happy for him being excited about someone.

After Simon had told him about their conversation that had drifted from a simple question about course of studies to a passionate discussion about the wrongness of the world, Josh - who had been listening carefully and had grinned throughout Simon's whole outpour of words - nodded vehemently.

"Oh yeah, that's the Markus I know," he said. They had reached the gymnasium and had to part ways since Josh had to get changed and the actual game would happen outside on the field, but Simon waited for Josh to continue his sentence.

"Simon," he began and put a hand on Simon's arm, "I'm just so happy you two get along. And I'm happy that you're happy, okay?" He smiled at Simon fondly and Simon pulled him into a hug. They were quiet for a short time and when they let go of each other, Simon motioned to the gymnasium.

"Go on then, I don't want you to get in trouble because you've been listening to me babble for too long," he joked and Josh shook his head fondly. Simon went to the field which was located just behind the gym and had a grandstand with white plastic seats from where the spectators could overlook the field. 

There were a lot of people already there, some equipped with small flags of the teams or other things to show their support but also a great deal without any special garments. As Simon scanned the area for a place to sit where he would have a good view, he also checked the crowd for people he knew. There were some he had seen during some of his lectures and seminars, but no one that he knew well enough to sit with, so he decided to be on his own. 

He chose a seat on the left side of the long part of the field and waited for the game to begin. It was chilly, but not too cold; Simon had been worried about the small plant in his backpack but he figured that the temperature was okay for it to survive but he didn't dare to look inside. It was an irrational fear - literally no one would care if a random guy would have a yellow flower in a box in his backpack - but Simon still felt uneasy at the thought that there was a tiny chance of someone noticing and telling.

When the game began, the players, one after another, marched onto the fields, the opposing team wearing yellow shirts and black shorts and Jericho white shirts and green shorts and when Simon spotted Markus with them, his heart beat faster. He wore the number 10 on his back and looked so good in his sportswear that Simon for a moment forgot to breathe. It placed emphasis on his broad shoulders and showed off his calves and when the team did some small exercises to stay warmed up, Simon could see his muscles moving. Josh wore the number 7 and scanned the crowd the second he stepped onto the field and when their eyes met, Simon grinned and waved excitedly.

After a few minutes the team gathered in a small circle and stuck their heads together as if they would talk about a secret that no one was allowed to hear, their arms resting on the backs of the person next to them respectively. A few seconds later they yelled something at each other that Simon didn't understand and took their assigned positions in the field. Markus stood on a central position but on the half of the field where the goal of their opponents was, staring intensely at one of the players. When the referee blew the whistle a player of Jericho passed the ball to Markus and Simon watched as he ran towards the goal and passed the ball yet again to someone else.

Simon didn't really know the rules of soccer. He hadn't really been interested in any sports since he had had other interests as as child and thus never participated.

So he just watched as the players ran, passed the ball, ran again and fell onto the ground, the same actions repeated over and over again. Simon often didn't understand why the referee whistled (and some of the players didn't seem to understand either, since they yelled at him and threw up their hands sometimes) but he still enjoyed the view. Markus was running like the devil and always seemed to know where the ball needed to be, passing it perfectly. 

When the game ended Jericho had scored two goals - one of them made possible because Markus had passed the ball to Josh, who then kicked it in a perfect angle right into the left corner of the goal, which resulted in both of them getting almost crushed in excited hugs from their team mates - while their opponents didn't manage to score one due to the, in Simon's opinion, amazing defense of the team and their very skilled goal keeper. The crowd of Jericho fans went absolutely crazy when the referee blew the final whistle of the match and although Simon wasn't very passionate about soccer he found himself cheering alongside them, feeling excited for their win and somewhat proud of Josh and Markus, who were participating in a group hug with the team.

It was then that Simon remembered the flower in his backpack and the purpose of its existence. There was no way in hell he would be able to make it to the locker rooms before the team would enter and the chances of being caught were way too high for Simon, so he - somewhat disappointed - braced himself for the possibility that the flower would wither without making Markus happy. 

Simon decided to wait for Josh in front of the gymnasium and sat down on one of the benches there. It was shortly after noon and the sun beamed brightly, now with enough strength to actually warm Simon's face. He watched as a cabbage butterfly floated by his face, landing on the still blooming blossom of a purple medick and smiled to himself.

It wasn't long after that when Josh sprinted out of the gym, changed into his normal clothes that consisted of a hoodie and jeans, and frantically waved at Simon, who was pulled out of his relaxed state without a warning. He noticed that his bag was missing and frowned.

"Do you have a flower with you?" Josh asked and hurriedly pointed at Simon's backpack, an aura of happiness surrounding him. Simon's face got red, which seemed to be enough of an answer to Josh, who made an impatient motion with his hands.

"He's distracted by the team because we won and he still needs to shower so I can hide it for you, lovesick fool," he said. Simon was perplexed by Josh's words for a few seconds, then he caught himself and opened the box, carefully taking out the flower and giving it to his friend, not believing his luck.

"That's one of you favorites, isn't it?" Josh asked and looked at the small flower happily. Simon nodded and felt like he could burst with appreciation for him, hitting Josh's arm repeatedly.

"You're a gift of the Gods," Simon yelled after him as Josh sprinted back into the gym, bowing before entering the building and leaving Simon chuckling to himself.


	5. Hydrangea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is a movie night at Markus' place.

The next two week found itself in cold and wet weather. It was raining every day and the sun hid behind a curtain of clouds, only once in a while peeking out of them, sending weak rays. Simon found himself looking forward to get to work at the flower shop because it meant an escape from the grayness that didn't seem to want to go away soon. 

He chatted with Kara about Alice and Luther (Simon learned that Alice recently passed 55 inches and that she proudly marked her height on the door frame to her room with a red marker - and that Luther, to tease her, put a marking of his height on the same door) and joyfully got to work on the greenhouse, since it had to go through some checks and possible repairs to become winterproof. Simon looked through the seals and found all of them intact, cleaned the windows to set the stage for the best lighting conditions and isolated it to keep the warmth in during the coming months.

He hadn't done much with his friends beside Kara in all of these two weeks, since no one seemed to have the energy to organize something social: Josh had already begun studying (he always began with writing summaries and therefore spent a lot of time in the library, where no crazy cohabitants could interrupt him), Daniel didn't seem to have any energy to do anything (that's why Simon, when he came home, often found him laid down on the couch, either watching documentaries or soap operas, snuggled up in blankets and warm sweaters) and North spent a lot of time with Chloe (and when she came home, she joined Daniel on the couch, the two of them arguing about what was currently on TV).

One day all four of them managed to eat dinner together, enjoying a delicious meal Josh had created (he had told Simon the exact way he made it, but he only remembered that it had taken a long time and that Josh went to an Asian supermarket to get the ingredients) and making easy conversation. Josh excused himself when his phone rang and left the room with a happy "what's up" towards the person on the other end of the line.

"Ugh, this weather drives me crazy," North said and put a second helping onto her plate.

"Yeah, I can see that," Daniel answered dryly, grinning as he dodged a hit from her.

Simon could only agree. Both of his friends weren't that invested in flowers that they could feel the absolute joy upon seeing their beautiful colors on a gray day like Simon did and they also didn't work which left them with a lot of free time that couldn't be spent outside.

Josh entered the room, his phone still in next to his ear but angled away, the other person obviously still on the line.

"Markus asks if we would like to join a movie night at his place tomorrow. He has a very big collection of movies and probably a membership in every streaming service there is so we should be able to find something." He made a short pause and Simon could hear the faint noise of Markus' laugh through the speakers of the phone.

The thought of Markus sitting on a couch with comfortable clothes on and covered in a blanket, laughing because his friend made a joke set off a deep flutter in Simon's stomach and a wave of longing came over him. He quickly tried to wipe the thought away and instead focused of North, who had begun to nod enthusiastically at the words movie night and now said yes over and over again.

Daniel shrugged and said "might as well" and Simon tried to restrain his nervous excitement at the thought of seeing where Markus lived when his friends looked at him expectantly.

"Sounds like a good plan," he finally said and North rolled her eyes at him.

"Sure, a good plan," she said while she made air quotes and wiggled her eyebrows at Simon. Very aware that Markus could probably hear what they were saying, he couldn't just let her be.

"Well, you only agreed to this because you want to take advantage of his movie collection," Simon said in mock accusation and North gasped dramatically and put a hand to her chest.

"Jesus," Josh said and shook his head, putting the phone to his ear again. "We would love to come. Just send me the address and time when you know from the others." There was the faint mumbling of Markus' answer.

"Okay, yeah, do you want us to bring anything?"

Once again Simon couldn't understand Markus' answer, but Josh nodded and then said goodbye and put his phone down.

"He said we can bring some snacks," Josh answered to their expectant gazes and North cheered. 

"I'm going to write a list of movies we have to watch," she said, took a last spoonful of food and sprinted out of the kitchen into her own room.

"Yes North, we can do the dishes for you!" Daniel yelled after her, but got no answer.

/////

"You're going to bring flowers?"

Josh's curious glance laid on the light blue ball of the hydrangea Simon was about to put into his backpack. They were almost ready to get the bus to Markus' house, since he lived outside in the richer parts of the city and Simon, being himself, just hadn't been able to resist and had brought a flower from the shop. 

Simon had always admired hydrangeas. With their huge sepals framed by delicate, small blossoms they conveyed some sort of inner balance to Simon, who also had a potted one in his room. They weren't the easiest to nurse; they didn't like calcareous water and needed a special fertilizer to grow big and the soil they were planted in needed to have a precise pH value or otherwise they lost their color. Nevertheless - or maybe because of this - Simon loved to take care of them.

He shrugged and put the lid onto the box, careful not to snap some of the flowers off and then carefully shouldered his backpack.

"What do they mean?" Josh asked and knocked onto Daniel's and then North's door, to signal them that they wanted to leave.

"Admiration," Simon answered softly and smiled at Josh, who looked at him fondly. Before he could answer anything, North stumbled out of her room, a bag with a lot of snacks in her hand, followed by Daniel, who got out of his room with a wine bottle in his hand. 

"I'm so excited to see his big house," North said and together they left their small apartment and got into the bus.

After they got out at the right stop and had walked five minutes through a small park, they finally arrived.

"I knew his father was rich, but the fact that he lives in an actual mansion?" North looked at the house in front of them with big eyes. "That is so cool."

It really was giant. The side facing them looked as if it were three houses and a turret merged into one, every one of the parts having something that differentiated it from the others - the one on the left only had one huge window, the one in the middle showed off the equally large front door, which was decorated with marble, the right one was covered in windows that must have had a wonderful view over the nature surrounding the building and the turret had actual oriel windows that Simon loved the second he saw them. There was also an enormous glass box on the right side of the house, but he couldn't see what was inside since there were white curtains covering all of the panes.

And Simon couldn't deny that the house, even though it was a huge and looked kind of snobby, still looked like a place you could call home: The windows were hanged with pretty curtains and warm light from the inside shone through them. Simon could even see some plants standing on the windowsills and colorful patterns on the walls that weren't covered in huge bookshelves.

They made their way over to the front door (and there were actual columns in Greek style on both sides). Josh rang the doorbell and only a few seconds later Markus opened the door.

"Hey guys!" he said and spread his arms to welcome them. He wore comfortable black sweatpants and a grey hoodie and everything from his clothes to the expression on his face made Simon feel... _things_.

One after the other they gave Markus big hugs. North babbled excitedly about the house, making Markus laugh when he was hugging Simon and when he felt the deep vibration against his chest, the fluttering feeling quickly returned into Simon's stomach.

"You're actually the first," Markus said and lead them inside. 

The first thing Simon noticed was the ground, which was a pattern of rhomb shapes with designs in their center that looked like they were ancient family sigils and he felt like he was standing on some kind of holy ground or something. 

The entrance hall had a high ceiling and a gallery starting halfway up the walls that was accessible through stairs that were covered in an artful carpet in turquoise and pink and had a baroque handrail. Simon could see a lot of art everywhere he looked - there was a canvas leaning against the stairs, colorful pillows and crazy patterns on the wall.

They left their shoes in the hallway and went through large wooden doors that automatically opened when Markus walked towards them. They entered a room that looked like a living room but was probably bigger than Simon's apartment. All the walls were covered in bookshelves and even more beautiful paintings and there was a huge flat screen on one side of the room with couches, armchairs and seat cushions in front, but the coolest thing Simon saw was the gallery that once again began halfway up the walls and streched around the entire length and width of the room and on which even more books and canvases laid.

"Wow, you're really living the dream," North said and pressed the bag with the snacks into Simon's arms before she went to check out everything.

"Feel free to look around," Markus answered and took the bottle of wine out of Josh's hands. "The others should be here soon."

Simon followed Markus into the kitchen and they went through an automatically opening wooden door and passed some more canvases. The kitchen was smaller than Simon had expected. There was an oriel window on the other side and it surprised Simon that the room looked like a typical kitchen with wooden furniture. The only more fancy looking things in the room were a chandelier that hung above a kitchen island and a few high tech looking utensils Simon wasn't sure how to use.

"Your house is really big," Simon said, of course choosing the most boring thing to say, and put down the bag onto the island.

"That's usually the first thing people say when they come here for the first time," Markus answered and laughed, grabbing a few large bowls to put the snacks in.

Simon made an affirmative humming noise, sat down onto one of the stools next to the island and thought about how to give Markus the flower without him immediately putting two and two together and realizing that it was Simon who had been secretly giving him flowers.

They prepared the snacks while taking about movies and Simon learned that Markus adored The Lord Of The Rings and that the third part held a special place in his heart. While Markus explained that he absolutely loved when Eowyn killed the Witch King at the battle of the Pelennor Fields he made his point even more clear with acting the part out.

"I am no man!" he dramatically exclaimed and stabbed an invisible sword through the invisible Witch King while making noises that sounded more like laser swords than anythings else. It made Simon laugh and when he saw the proud look on Markus' face after he finished his acting sequence a wave of courage overcame him and he opened his backpack.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Simon said, "we brought flowers!" He pulled the hydrangea out of the box and presented it to Markus, who stared back and forth between the flower and Simon, making him extremely nervous.

_Oh my God that was too obvious_ , Simon thought. _Oh God, I want to die._

But Markus took it out of Simon's hands after a few seconds and grinned and there was no trace of suspicion on his face. "That's very nice of you. Here, let me get a vase."

He put the flower into a black vase that created a great contrast to the light blue color of the flower and placed it onto a tray with the other things. Picking it up, he motioned Simon to follow him and together they went back into the living room, where a few more people sat that must have had come when they were busy in the kitchen.

Simon spotted Connor (this time without Sumo), Chloe and a girl he hadn't met before that Markus seemed to be very enthusiastic about seeing. She had a bald head and wore a muddy green dress that looked like a long polo shirt and had a lot of scars across both of her arms. If Simon had crossed her path on the street he probably would have found her very intimidating, because she sported a resting bitch face before it broke out into a huge grin when she saw Markus that made her look a thousand percent less like she was going to murder the first person that caught her gaze.

"Lucy!" Markus yelled, put down the tray rather violently and ran to her. They shared a long hug and a pang of jealousy yet again pierced Simon's heart, even though he knew he had no right.

When they let go of each other, Markus happily looked at her and put a hand on her arm, as if he couldn't ever let go of her again. When he noticed that everyone was looking at the two of them, he cleared his throat and took a step back, still grinning.

"Guys, this is Lucy, shes going to stay here for a few weeks. Lucy, this is… everyone," he introduced. There was a series of "hi"s and a bonding moment between her and North because she immediately began to tell a story on how she got a buzz cut once on a dare and soon the two of them were transfixed in a deep conversation.

There were a few more people coming that Simon recognized as Markus' friends, because he had seen them sitting together several times on campus and some of them also were part of the soccer team. There was a slightly intimidating looking guy named Gavin, who radiated massive negative energy - and seemed to have it all concentrated on Connor, the poor boy -, a guy Simon believed was called Ralph, who was very sweet and who had a lot of scars on his face that sometimes made him look a little bit creepy, a girl with short blue hair Simon didn't know the name of and another person with brown hair who wore a green cap and of whom Simon felt like there were more than one existing because he seemed to run into them every day on campus, which was a bit weird.

Once they were all settled in, Markus stood up from were he sat next to Lucy (with whom he seemed to have a great time, not that Simon was watching them excessively or anything) and actually tapped with a spoon onto his glass to get everyone's attention.

"Ladies, Gentlemen and gentle beings, it is my honor to present you the biggest and hardest task of the evening: picking a movie, part one." He looked like he wanted to say something else but North and Chloe heckled before he got the chance to do so.

"Ice Age, Ice Age!" they chanted and most of the people joined in.

"Alright, alright, Jesus you two are crazy," Markus said and laughed. "Does anyone want to object?"

When no one said anything, Markus grabbed the remote and opened Netflix. "Okay, not so hard after all."

A second before he began to search for the movie, Simon got a good look at what he was watching and when he saw that there was Brooklyn Nine-Nine as well as Black Mirror and that he was halfway through Moonlight, he thought he would die right on the spot.

Josh, who had been sitting next to him the whole time, suddenly got up and casually walked over to the empty spot Markus had been sitting in and began to talk to Lucy, who didn't seem to mind the change. When Markus pressed the button to start the movie and went to sit next to Simon because his old spot was occupied, Simon understood that Josh hadn't changed seats just for fun but that he had been doing it for Simon. 

Simon thought that he had to organize something special for Josh soon for all of the times he made sure he didn't have a choice but to interact with Markus.

"Reunited once again," Markus whispered and smiled as he sat down onto the couch and casually put his arm onto the back rest behind Simon, stretching his long legs in front of him. Simon thought he was going to have a seizure, Markus being so close that Simon could actually smell the sweet scent of whatever product he was using and that he could feel the warmth radiating from his body. 

Simon couldn't focus on the movie. Markus was right there and his body language was so open and relaxed that it practically screamed for Simon to rest his head on his shoulder, but doubts overshadowed everything else. Maybe Markus would find it weird, seeing as they had only met a few times. Maybe he would read something into it and find that he didn't like it. 

It took Simon over halfway through the movie, only really focusing on it or a few short periods, to decide to do something. He thought about asking, which would have been polite but also very awkward. He thought about just doing it or leaning forward, pretending to grab pretzel sticks and inch closer to Markus when he leaned back, but all of that seemed to overstep a boundary Simon knew only existed in his head because he was scared.

He finally decided to just grab a pillow instead, frustrated with himself. Markus watched him intensely when he moved and made his heart beat even faster and Simon was glad that there wasn't any light except for the one coming off the screen because he could feel his face growing hot as he hugged the pillow to his chest, refusing to look in Markus' direction.

Simon spent the rest of the movie trying to build up courage. He knew he was being stupid because most people didn't mind another person's head on their shoulder, but the doubt still remained. When Simon finally thought he would be able to do it, Diego had his dramatic entrance and Simon knew the movie was almost over.

They tried to pick a new movie. North's new suggestion was a comedy that no one seemed to want to watch and so everyone began to argue. Simon didn't participate because he thought that he would be okay with whatever they picked so he just watched as the discussion went on. 

After a few long minutes they decided to watch The Conjuring.

"Oh God," Simon whispered to himself, because he hated horror movies. He hated everything that had something to do with jump scares. In his group of friends, Simon was always the one getting scared by the most dumb things, like a broomstick falling over or someone silently walking into the room and saying something out of nowhere. 

Simon barely lasted through the first jump scare, clinging to his pillow scared out of his mind. When the second jump scare came, he threw his dignity and insecurity over board and pressed his head into Markus shoulder, holding the pillow up in the direction of the screen to create another blockade. It was a great distraction because Markus curled his arm over Simon's shoulder to hold him which resulted in Simon not being able to focus on anything else beside the warmness of his hand and the small patterns he drew with it. 

Simon didn't look at the screen during the whole rest of the movie but rather kept his head hidden behind the pillow, listening to the sounds and music of the movie and noticing the scary parts though Markus, who always tensed up right before a jump scare and then flinched the tiniest bit once it happened and held Simon tighter. He got the impression that their body contact was something good for Markus too and smiled to himself.

When the movie was over (which felt like an eternity to Simon but also went by way too fast since he now had no excuse to lean onto Markus anymore) everyone agreed to take a break and they split up into smaller groups, Simon ending up with Markus and Connor on the couch. Connor had sat himself between the two of them after he had gotten himself a glass of water and was happily chatting away about Sumo and Hank. 

He was just talking about how he had first met Sumo - he had been forced to climb through a window to get into the house since he had forgotten his keys and Hank wasn't answering his phone and was only able to survive the mass that was Sumo because he knew his name -, making Markus laugh when Simon noticed that there was light shining through the crack between the door on the other side of the room, the one he assumed had to lead into the giant glass box he had seen from outside.

"Is this light supposed to be on?" Simon asked and pointed at the door. Markus looked in the direction of the room and nodded.

"Probably, Dad often gets inspired at night. His most beautiful pieces always have their beginnings when it's dark outside," he explained. Simon only then realized that the glass box probably was a giant studio and only imagining how amazing it must be to have a place to be creative at that was basically outside and not dependent on the weather blew his mind. How beautiful did it have to be in there when it was raining?

"I can only imagine," he answered. He was curious, because the only thing he could compare to the passion Markus and his Dad had to have were his flowers, and they were taken care of during the day. Of course there were some who blossomed only during the night, the evening primrose for example, and while there were also beautiful to look at, they had never been Simon's area of interest.

Markus shrugged. "Do you want to see it?"

Before Simon could even think of an answer, Markus stood up and left Simon no choice but to follow him, not that Simon was planning to stay when he got the chance to even peek into the glass box. He noticed that Connor didn't follow them but was too excited to care about it. Markus lead them through the door - that once again opened automatically - and Simon couldn't believe his eyes.

Standing inside the glass box it seemed even bigger, but what really took Simon's breath away was the magnificent view. Everywhere he looked, he could see stars. Because the house was outside the center of the city and there was only a little light inside the studio they shone strongly and beautifully.

"Ah, you must be in here for the first time at night," a new voice said, followed by a chuckle. When Simon looked into the direction of it, he saw an old looking man with grey hair sitting in a wheelchair, wearing a dark blue cardigan that was speckled with dark red paint and beige pants. The sleeves on both of his arms were rolled up and showed off a lot of tattoos and Simon found that very impressive for his age.

"Here for the first time in general," Simon said and extended a hand in greeting. "I'm Simon."

"Carl," the man introduced himself, taking his hand, and seemed to examine Simon for a second before he smiled lightly and let go. Then he signaled them to follow, rolling ahead. Simon saw a lot of painting supplies stored in high racks, huge canvases that were already covered in a lot of different pictures (Simon mostly saw people or at least parts of them like an eye or a hand, but here and there he spotted still lives, landscapes, animals and flowers; some canvases were also covered in seemingly random swipes and blots of color) as well as a gigantic robot arm in front of the biggest canvas Simon had ever seen. 

It stood on the floor and reached halfway up the glass and was covered in different shades of turquoise. Simon could easily spot the beginnings of a male person whose face was still in progress but already looked fierce and determinant. Simon couldn't stop looking; it was easily the most beautiful thing he had ever seen being drawn.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Markus said. Simon just nodded because he knew he could not express with words what he felt when he looked at the painting.

Carl sighed. "The truth is I have nothing left to say anymore…"

Simon knew there was something Carl didn't say; something quite sad and poignant. He could see it in the lump of his shoulders and how he looked at the canvas with something like longing, he could feel it moving around the old man like an aura and it made him incredibly sad. 

There was a silence for a few seconds where the three of them stared at the painting. Then Carl sighed again and turned around to look at him.

"Well, enough of this," he said and just like that the depressing atmosphere was gone. "I know you don't want to listen to an old man muttering about." He didn't wait for Simon to reply but left the studio and the last thing he saw of him was that he greeted the other guests before the door closed again Markus and he were alone.

"You have to forgive him," Markus said, a little bit tense. "He's been like that for a while now and I just-" He stopped himself and put a hand in his neck, a clear sign of frustration that Simon hadn't seen him doing before.

He suddenly felt very awkward and got the feeling that no matter what he would say would not be enough. Instead he just put a hand on Markus shoulder and smiled carefully before changing the subject.

"Do you draw in here too?" he asked, only then realizing that he wasn't supposed to know that. But luckily Markus seemed to assume that he had heard it from a friend, because he just nodded. 

"Can I see?" There was a spark of nervous excitement in Markus' eyes when he looked at Simon and it made Simon's knees weak. 

Markus pointed at an easel in a corner of the room on which a canvas was standing that was almost as big as Simon. It looked like it was finished; the background was different shades of light blues and there was one human hand reaching out from the bottom that had a few scars on them and another one trying to take hold of it from above, but this one didn't look human. It was painted with dark blue and black colors and instead of a wrist it had a mechanical joint. The two hands were almost touching; there was only a hint of space between them. Still, they didn't look like they were desperately trying to reach each other, it was more like they were peacefully trying to touch, easily and without any effort. 

"I hope the silence is good," Markus said and crossed his arms on his chest. Simon cleared his throat and realized that it probably made Markus nervous that he didn't say anything and that he put himself in a vulnerable position with showing Simon what he had created.

"How is that even a question," Simon murmured and stretched his arm out to the picture as if he was yet another hand trying to reach the other two, stopping before actually touching the canvas.

"So what do you think?" Markus asked and Simon could feel his gaze burning in his neck. Simon wasn't great with words most of the time, but he felt like a simple "it's beautiful" wasn't enough with this.

He hesitated for a second and stared at the picture. "It makes me feel… Hopeful, I think, but I feel something like longing, too…" He let his hand move in the air above the painting once more, trying to grasp the feeling.

He turned around and was met by Markus' intense gaze. He saw disbelief, but also wonder and… admiration? Simon got goosebumps all over his arms and wasn't able to look into Markus' eyes. He felt weirdly exposed.

"Simon, that's-"

They were interrupted by the opening of the door and when Connor stuck his head inside, the tension between them vanished. "Hey guys, just letting you know that they are putting on another movie."

"Okay," Simon squeaked. "We're coming."

They watched a comedy but Simon wasn't able to concentrate. He replayed the moment again and again, trying to make sense of it. The creases in his forehead probably got deeper and deeper the longer he frowned, until he finally came to the conclusion that this didn't have to mean anything; Markus was probably just looking at him that way because he said more than "it's beautiful", that was all. 

Satisfied with that answer he leaned back and tried to enjoy the rest of the movie, even though he had no idea what it was about since he had missed the beginning.

/////

It was well after three in the morning when everyone was too tired to start another movie. Chloe had already fallen asleep on North's lap and everyone else was just barely awake, so they decided to end the night. They said their goodbyes to everyone and then the only one's left were North, Chloe, Josh, Daniel and Simon, who weren't able to get home because there was no bus going back into the city at three in the morning. 

"That's no problem," Markus answered when Josh brought it up. "You can sleep here."

They tried to tidy up a little bit (there was a lot of popcorn on the ground from when North had started a popcorn war and a lot of empty bottles covered almost every surface in the living room), but in the end they didn't get much done because everyone was just so tired.

"We'll leave it, I'll take care of it later," Markus decided. "Okay so there is a tiny problem: We only have one guest room and my room, but both of them have double beds, so the six of us have to share two beds."

Daniel groaned. "I'm not sharing a bed with North," he declared. "She always steals the entire blanket."

North wearily flipped him off. 

"I don't care where as long as I can sleep," Josh stated and underlined it with a yawn that infected everyone else.

"Okay, so North, Chloe and Josh in one and Daniel, Simon and I in the other," Markus said and everyone agreed. Even though Simon was really worn out, his heart rate sped up. The thought of Markus sleeping next to him made the God damned butterflies in his stomach go crazy.

Markus lent Simon a shirt to sleep in (which didn't smell like Markus but rather like washing powder and Simon may have been disappointed at that) and when they stood in front of the bed it seemed even smaller to Simon.

"I would like to sleep at the wall so I can face it when I sleep," Simon said awkwardly. His brother rolled his eyes and took the side that faced the room, so that Markus had no choice but to sleep in the middle, which he didn't seem to mind since he only shrugged and motioned for Simon to crawl into the bed.

Simon felt like he was in heaven. He was also really nervous, but when he sank into the soft pillows that definitely smelled like Markus, he couldn't help but sigh happily. He knew that Daniel would make fun of him in the morning, but he didn't care. 

He laid on his side, moved one hand under the pillow, rested the other one on his arm and pulled his legs up to his chest. When he felt the bed dip under Markus' weight, his heart seemed to want to explode and when Markus finally found a comfortable position and his hip was touching Simon's back, Simon thought that he could die in peace.

Markus whispered a soft good night to both of them, but Daniel was already fast asleep and Simon didn't trust his voice, so he just kept silent.

After a few minutes, when the only thing he could hear was the fast beating of his own heart and the occasional rustling of the blanket when Markus carefully tried to find a more comfortable position, Simon's mind wandered back to the moment in the studio. He decided that no matter what it had meant, he wanted to remember it.

"Hey Markus?" Simon whispered into the dark. There was a humming noise as a response. "I really liked your painting."

He could hear the smile in Markus' voice when he whispered back. "Thank you, Simon."


	6. Alstromeria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus plays at a concert.

During the next week Simon spent a lot of time with Connor, surprisingly. Simon couldn't really figure Connor out - sometimes he was like a child, jumping around excitedly and sometimes he acted so rationally he almost seemed like a machine. Still, he was a nice person and Simon found that he liked spending time with him.

They had made plans to meet each other after uni, something that had sprung into existence seemingly out of nowhere when Connor had texted him this morning. Simon didn't know where he had his number from, but it didn't bother him either because Connor asked through a meme if Simon wanted to hang out with him.

It was Thursday, which meant that it had been almost a week since Simon had last seen Markus. When Simon had woken up on Saturday morning after their movie night, he had been really confused because he had no idea where he was. The room had been filled with sunlight and when he had turned around sleepily and had seen Markus leaning against the headrest, a pillow tugged comfortably behind his back and reading a book, smiling at Simon when he noticed he was awake and whispering a "good morning", his heart had hurt a little when he noticed how domestic it seemed. 

When he exited the building he had had his last lecture of the day in, he already saw Connor standing next to a bench, his phone in his hand and not aware of his surroundings. He had a hairy companion with him who wagged his tail excitedly when Simon came over, making Connor lift his head.

"Hi Simon," Connor greeted him with a smile and they hugged shortly. Sumo almost exploded out of joy when Simon scratched his head.

"Such a good boy!" Simon cooed and pulled his hand away before Sumo could cover it with his tongue. 

They went for a walk through the park and chatted about their days. Simon's hadn't really been that exciting, he went to his lectures and seminars and went for lunch with his friends (and saw Markus sitting on a table across the room with his friends - Lucy sat there too and Simon wondered what she was doing on campus). 

Connor told him about how Hank had finally managed to train Sumo to sit up and beg and Simon laughed at how Sumo's ears peaked when Connor said that it had taken a lot of 'treats'. 

Talking to Connor was pretty easy, Simon noticed. He always knew how to continue the conversation when they hit a seemingly dead end and it never came to awkward silences. Connor had just told him another story about Hank - something about how he had dissolved a drug ring - and pulled out his phone.

"I just realized that I haven't even shown you a picture," Connor explained and opened the gallery on his phone. He scrolled through a lot of pictures of the movie night (mostly selfies that were taken by North where she pulled silly faces) until he found the one he was looking for.

Hank looked different than he had expected. He had grey hair that went over his ears and a full beard in the same color and there were some crinkles in his face, especially between his eyebrows and on his forehead, that made him look very grumpy. He wore a shirt with a crazy pattern and threw an annoyed glance in the direction of the camera. Simon assumed that the glance was directed at Connor, who grinned as he looked at the picture.

"That's how he normally looks," Connor explained. "But when you manage to pull him out of his shell…" He swiped to the next picture and the Hank on this picture looked like a different person. It was the same bench, probably the same day because everything looked just like on the other picture, but Hank was smiling and it turned his whole appearance into something else. 

"That's the same person?" Simon joked and looked closer. Hank held Sumo, whose head was resting on his lap and there were a lot of crinkles around his eyes. Connor had caught the sunlight beautifully and it made Hank look even happier.

"I know right?" Connor nodded. "I haven't quite figured him out, a lot of the things I say seem to upset him, but we're working on it." 

Connor swiped to the next picture, which had been taken at the movie night, and it was a picture of Simon and Markus during the horror movie - which was one of the last things Simon expected to see. He had to laugh so hard that he snorted, because the picture was hilarious: Simon thought it wouldn't be possible for someone who hadn't been there to even recognize him because he was almost completely hidden behind a huge pillow. The only thing that was visible of him were his legs and he looked so small that it wasn't necessary to see his face to know that he was terrified. 

But the funniest thing on the picture was Markus' face. It looked like that picture was taken right before a jump scare because Markus was about to squeeze his eyes together to avoid looking at the screen, but without context it just looked like Markus was very high and about to fall asleep, or maybe as if he was about to sneeze.

Connor grinned and they looked at the rest of the pictures, some of them really ugly, some really hilarious (though none of them could beat the one of Simon and Markus) and some that were actually very sweet. There was one of North and Chloe, North sitting in an armchair and Chloe on the ground between her legs. North's arms rested casually on Chloe's shoulders and Chloe was laughing about something while North looked at her like she was the whole world.

They spent the rest of their time exchanging stories about their friends and before Simon knew it, he had to go to work. 

"Oh, by the way," Connor said before they parted ways. "I don't know if you know, but there is a concert organized by students in the auditorium maximum tomorrow, for the beginning of winter or something like that."

"That sounds cool," Simon said. "I'll ask my people to come."

Connor smiled and waved goodbye and Simon went to work.

/////

Funnily enough, when Simon came home and found his friends eating dinner together, the first thing they asked him was if he wanted to join them for the concert.

"Sure," he answered as he grabbed a piece of bread and smeared some butter on it. "Connor asked me this afternoon if we all wanted to come."

North said something about destiny in her usual mocking way and dramatically opened her mouth to underline her statement and Daniel quickly grabbed a small tomato and successfully threw it into her mouth, making her choke for a second.

Simon leaned back into his chair and contently watched his friends' banter. 

"There's a tradition for the concert," Josh said casually when North and Daniel began to argue. Simon waited for Josh to continue and when he did, he grinned.

"The audience leaves flowers for the students performing. Well, those of the audience who want to, that is." 

Simon asked himself why he had never heard of it before. It was a collection of a lot of things he liked: Live music, his friends, flowers…

"Oh, and Markus is going to play something on the piano."

Simon almost choked on his piece of toast he has been about to eat. Simon was sure Josh had planned this but he couldn't even be mad because Markus could play the piano too? Was there anything he couldn't do?

"I know," Josh said who no doubt knew exactly what Simon was thinking. "Sometimes it makes me want to hate him a little." But Simon knew that was not the case. Josh couldn't hate any of his friends, even if he wanted to. The only thing he got that feeling for were racists and homophobes, maybe for climate change deniers too.

Their conversation shifted to something else but Simon found himself thinking about which flower he should choose to give to Markus.

/////

He chose an alstromeria, which he thought was one of the most beautiful flowers in the world. He knew that they were Kara's favorite and he could definitely understand why. It belonged to the family of lilies, but the blossoms of the alstromerias looked more like a chalice because their petals were closer together and the ones he kept in his room were of a warm yellow color.

The concert would take place in the evening which left Simon with enough time to get home after uni to pick up the flower and get back again. He would meet his friends in the auditorium maximum since they all had different lectures in different buildings and everyone agreed that it would be easier that way.

When Simon arrived in the hall in front of the auditorium there were already a lot of people there. Simon was glad that he had changed from his simple t-shirt into something more fancy because everyone looked as if they had taken longer with getting ready than usual. He saw a lot of people in dresses but also some in simple button-downs, as well as some in suits and some in less formal, but still fancy, clothes. 

Simon entered the auditorium and was overwhelmed by the amount of people already in it. He looked for his friends, which was quite the challenge because there were so many rows of seats and a lot of people already sitting, but Josh stood up as soon as he saw Simon and waved and Simon made his way over to them.

"Who are you?" said North instead of a greeting, waving her hand in the direction of Simon's button down and jeans. 

"He's me!" Daniel said jokingly. It really was funny, they both wore the same clothes - not on purpose. Maybe that was due to the fact that both of them only owned one outfit that was a little on the fancy side, but to a stranger it would just look like they did the typical twin thing: dressing the same.

North grinned and turned her attention to her phone and the grin turned into a small smile. When she looked up and caught Simon's gaze, she rolled her eyes.

"You're not the only one anticipating your lover's performance," she said with a cheeky grin.

Simon hit her arm and shot her a warning look after checking if someone had heard her.

"Shut up," he said weakly.

"What a comeback," North teased, but the deep love in her eyes took all the heat from her words. Simon rolled his eyes, but a wave of appreciation for his friend crashed over him.

"I love you, asshole," Simon said, ruffling her hair and grinning at her murderous glance. 

As North tried to smooth it down, the lights in the lecture hall went off and cheering erupted. A single spotlight was pointed at the stage and a small woman in a stunning red dress stepped into the light, the sequins on her dress glittering in the bright light and reflecting onto the walls as if thousands of fireflies were set free. 

She held a small speech about how the concert came into life and also remembered the audience that they could leave flowers for the performers. She pointed out that they could simply put it on the piano or, if they wanted to, give them personally to a specific performer as a compliment.

Simon got nervous on her words alone, but then she announced the first person and Simon forgot about his worries for a while, enjoying the music.

There were a lot of very talented people performing that made Simon once again question why he never pursued to learn an instrument himself. He had played on is mother's harp for a few times, loving the calm sounds it made, but it wasn't enough to keep his interest for long. Harps were very impractical, too.

After a lot of performances Simon got twitchy. The more people got onto the stage and left it again, the more he anticipated Markus and his music. The small woman came onto the stage again.

"I'm delighted to announce the last performance for today." She was interrupted by a wave of cheering.

"We have a very special guest for the occasion. Her name is Lucy and she is going to perform alongside Markus and Chloe, their song is called 'Hold on just a little while longer'. Enjoy!"

When she left the stage the lights went off completely so that the only thing Simon could see were three shadows. Markus' shadow sat down at the piano and Simon's heart was beating so fast and so loudly that he thought he wouldn't be able to hear the music.

Chloe and Lucy positioned themselves next to the piano in front of the microphone and for a moment the whole hall was completely silent. Then the spotlight went on at the exact same time Markus played the first note.

It was a slow melody; Markus was only playing two notes at the same time, but it filled Simon's heart with melancholy. Markus frowned as he played, no doubt because the song meant something to him. Simon wondered what the story behind the song was and if it had to do something with Lucy, since she also took part in the performance.

Markus closed his eyes as he gently pressed the keys and there were so much feelings compressed into the slow motions of his hands and the expression on his face that Simon felt like he was intruding. 

Lucy began to sing as Markus repeated the same melody again and Simon got goosebumps over his entire body. Her voice was raspy but it fit the melancholic feel of the music perfectly. A second spotlight illuminated her face and she too had her eyes closed as she sang the lines, clear but quiet as if she was singing to herself.

" _Hold on just a little while longer, hold on just a little while longer, hold on just a little while longer. Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright._ "

It sounded like some sort of a lullaby until Chloe stepped up next to her and the looked at each other as they sang together. Their voices together created a perfect harmony and made the song sound more powerful, as if they were at the brink of war and wanted to give each other hope.

" _Fight on just a little while longer, fight on just a little while longer…_ "

Markus played the piano with more force now. Lucy smiled at Chloe as they sang, but it was a sad smile, as if singing the song made her feel mournful or wretched.

" _Pray on just a little while longer, everything will be alright._ "

And then Markus joined them in singing. Simon felt like his heart would burst out of his chest as he watched and heard in disbelief. Their three voices together felt like the only ones that should ever sing the song and there was definitely something about this song connecting Markus and Lucy, since they looked at each other with so much emotion the entire time they were singing.

" _Sing on just a little while longer, sing on just a little while longer, sing on just a little while longer. Everything will be alright, everything will be…_ "

They held the note for a few seconds and Markus stopped playing the piano. Lucy sang, all by herself,

" _Alright._ "

There was a moment of complete silence when the song ended, but then the whole room erupted in applause, louder than after any other performance. Markus got up from the piano and pulled Lucy into a hug. She was clutching his jacket desperately for a split-second before she let go. The three of them linked hands and bowed to the audience.

Simon felt like he was in some sort of a trance. The song had enchanted him and he didn't quite know what to do of the whole Lucy thing. Still, he cheered with everyone and when he threw a glance at North he saw her secretly wiping away a tear from her cheeks. 

The lady in the red dress appeared one last time to declare the concert over and promptly everyone stood up and either moved to the exit or to the front. Simon pulled himself together and took out the alstromeria. As he slowly walked down the stairs to the stage where all the performers stood (all of them already had some flowers in their hands, most of them classics like roses and tulips), North appeared next to him, a beautiful bouquet made out of multiple different flowers that all symbolized love in some way in her hands.

Simon was impressed. Whoever made it sure had to know their flowers. He was kind of offended North didn't ask him but then he quickly dismissed the thought as they were approaching the stage. Chloe saw North and waved at her with the sweetest smile on her face and when North gave her the bouquet she kissed her as if there was no one around.

Simon on the other hand was so nervous that he almost dropped the flower multiple times. He wiped his sweaty hands on his trousers and collected himself for a moment before he approached Markus, who was talking to Lucy. 

They both looked very stunning; Lucy wore a green jumpsuit and a leather jacket (which made her look scary, as always, but it seemed to Simon that she looked like that no matter what she wore) and Markus had actually made the effort and wore a suit, the jacket and trousers made out of dark blue velvet. Simon hadn't been able to see the outfit since Markus had sat behind the piano but now that he could, it added even more dryness to his throat.

He cleared it as an attempt to get rid of it and caused Markus to notice him. He already had a lot of flowers in his hand and Simon felt yet another wave of irrational jealousy. But Markus grinned at him and pulled him in the usual hug and Simon couldn't help but melt into the touch.

"Hey," Simon greeted as the hug ended (way to soon for his liking). He cleared his throat again and fumbled with the sleeve of his shirt. 

"So nice that you were here," Markus said and smiled at him. Simon's stomach jumped at the sight.

Simon smiled in return and offered the flower to Markus. "I heard that it's a tradition to gift the performers flowers and... since flowers are kind of my thing I brought one." He made a short break and looked at the floor.

"Uhm, for you."

Markus took the flower and squeezed Simon's shoulder to make him look up. When he did, he believed to see something in Markus gaze, something soft, and it made Simon's insides do somersaults and other crazy things and he had to turn his gaze away.

"Thank you so much Simon," Markus said and took a closer look at the flower. "It's beautiful."

_Just like you_ , Simon wanted to say.

"It's an alstromeria," he said instead. "Or lily of the Incas. Or Peruvian lily. They are very hard to tend to, you know, they need a lot of fertilizer and…" He interrupted himself when he noticed that his inner flower nerd had broken through and could feel the redness on his face before it was even there.

But Markus listened carefully and nodded. "Well, if you are a flower kind of guy, why did you pick this one out of the many ones you sure could have chosen from? It's a very exotic flower after all."

If other people had said something like this to Simon it probably would have sounded like mockery but there was actual interest in Markus' voice. Simon stared at the flower so that he didn't have to look at Markus' face because if he did, he'd probably get even more red. "No reason," he lied. "It's just a very beautiful flower." 

He wasn't going to say the truth - that he picked it because it symbolized affection and communion and that people who are in love usually gift it to each other.

Markus looked at him for a second and Simon was sure he was going to detect his lie and call him out for it but then Markus smiled and pulled him into another hug, squeezing him tightly. 

"It is indeed," Markus added. The looked at each other for a few seconds before Lucy cut in and looked Simon directly into his face.

"Where's my flower?" she asked in a cold voice and Simon was so scared of her in that moment that he wasn't able to say anything and considered running away.

Thankfully Markus came to his rescue and lightly hit her arm. "Well, I'm special to Simon and you're not," he teased and Lucy stared at him with the same scary expression for a few moments before she laughed.

"Whatever, loser," she answered. "I don't want flowers anyway."

Markus huffed in annoyance. "Well, I love getting them. Oh, speaking of, did I tell you that someone probably very amazing is leaving flowers for me on campus? I've been dying to know who does it but they are very careful and make sure I don't see them when they drop them off."

Luckily North chirped in. She and Chloe held hands and Chloe's grin was brighter than ever.

"You were amazing," North said to Markus and Lucy, who accepted the compliment with a smile.

"Anyway, Chloe and I remembered how fun the movie night has been and we wanted to casually not casually pressure you to do another one soon." North had a charming smile on her face and Chloe nodded enthusiastically to underline her girlfriend's statement.

Markus laughed and agreed. "It sure was." He looked at Simon and raised his eyebrows. "Especially the horror movie."

Simon began to laugh as he remembered the picture on Connor's phone and couldn't even think about being embarrassed.

"But yeah, of course, it's the weekend so why not tomorrow at seven?"

Chloe cheered and North pulled out her phone.

"I'm gonna text everyone, so make sure you have enough food. Okay, we gotta go now, bye!" With that she pulled Chloe to the exit and together they ran off.

Simon shook his head. North really just asked for what she wanted, and she almost always got it. 

Maybe he should start doing that too.


	7. Red Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another movie night happens and Simon finally has the courage to admit his feelings.
> 
>  **(Trigger warning for mentions of abuse and suicide!)**  
>  I'm also not that happy with the chapter but it's also not possible for me to write this any better. I tried :O

"Hey, are you okay? You haven't said anything since we left the campus." Josh waved his hand in front of Simon's face. It was only the two of them, since North and Chloe had run off to God knows where and Daniel had stayed behind since he was engrossed in a conversation with the lady in the red dress.

The truth was that North's straightforward behavior and Markus using the words "someone amazing" in connection with Simon - well, the person who left the flowers - and the softness in his gaze had built up some courage in Simon, but on the other hand he was still scared and doubtful. What if Markus was just like that with everyone? Everyone seemed to appreciate and love him deeply, so why should Simon be special?

"No, I'm just thinking," Simon answered with a frown.

"About Markus?"

Simon's head snapped up to look at Josh, who had a mischievous grin on his lips. Simon got red and that was the only answer Josh probably needed. 

_I'm like an open book_ , Simon thought grumpily.

"Well, you know my point of view on this," Josh said. "I'm very sure that Markus wouldn't say no if he learned that you're the one behind the flowers. I feel like he already suspects it anyways, so there really is no harm in telling him."

Simon made a pathetic noise. "But what if he expects a girl behind this and then he sees me and is disappointed?"

Josh stopped abruptly. "Are you shitting me right now? Oh my _God_ , Simon."

He put himself in front of Simon and forced him to look at his face. There was annoyance in his gaze, but Simon knew Josh didn't mean it in a bad way.

"First of all, it's the 21st century. No one, especially Markus, gives a fuck about gender rules anymore, okay?" He grabbed Simon's shoulders and shook him a little bit.

"Secondly, Markus is fine with girls, boys and anything else there is, okay? He's been with people of different genders."

Simon sighed. He knew all this; there was just the stupid blockade of doubt and insecurity in his mind that made it hard for him.

"I know," he whispered.

Josh watched him for a second.

"Let me ask you this, Simon. If you didn't want him to be your boyfriend or whatever, why did you begin to give him flowers?"

Simon couldn't answer. Of course the thought of Markus becoming his boyfriend had been in the back of his mind when he forged the plan, but then again, he had believed that Markus would simply not care about the flowers, but he had.

"Simon, you're such a great guy, for real, just a bit dense sometimes." Josh grinned as Simon let out a huff and had to smile. He was, wasn't he?

"So you really think he would like to find out it was me?" Simon asked, still a little bit doubtful.

"One hundred percent, Simon."

They kept silent for a few moments, then Simon nodded and began to walk again.

"Okay, then I'm going to do something tomorrow."

The proud smile and cheering of Josh made him laugh, but something in him had settled and for now, he was certain that he could - and would - have the courage to approach Markus.

/////

That courage faltered the moment Markus opened the door and welcomed them in his house. Simon was getting annoyed at himself, but he couldn't help it; seeing Markus always had this effect on him.

He had made a plan in the evening to give Markus a red rose, the most classical way of confessing one's love to someone, and then look what happened. The optimistic part of him had also planned to ask him out, but Simon wasn't sure if he he had this much courage in him, especially after overstepping his boundaries before.

The flower was concealed in his backpack and made it seem like he had bricks in there, pushing him away from that door - but Simon knew that it was only his nervousness talking.

They went inside and Josh shot him a meaningful glance before making his way over to the living room with the rest of his friends, leaving him and Markus alone.

"They are so lazy," Simon complained in a rush of adrenaline at the thought of Markus and him being alone in the kitchen again. "It's like they want us to do all the dirty work."

Markus smiled and shrugged. "I don't mind."

They went into the kitchen (there were new canvases on the ground, filled with aggressive blotches of paint in angry colors and Simon wondered if they were painted by Carl or Markus) and Markus went to grab bowls from a cupboard. 

There was the delicious smell of freshly made popcorn in the air and Simon made a noise of contentment. He placed the things his friends had so generously contributed to the evening onto the counter and sat down, watching Markus put everything together.

"Oh, don't mind me working over here," Markus said sarcastically when he saw Simon sitting down. 

Simon grinned and deliberately slid down farther into the chair. Markus snorted and turned his back to Simon to grab another bowl. Simon stared at his back and felt like a stupid teenager in love. There was literally nothing special about the way Markus was clothed - he wore black sweatpants and a yellow shirt - but Simon's heart still jumped around like crazy.

Shortly afterwards a ball of fur stormed into the kitchen, followed by a grinning Connor.

"I'm a little bit offended," he said when Sumo wagged his tail excitedly as he discovered Simon, promptly running over to him and licking his hands. "I never get that much love when I come home."

"Hello there, good boy," Simon greeted the dog in the usual high pitched voice. Sumo jumped around like crazy and completely ignored Connor, who then shook his head and walked over to Markus to greet him.

"If I find only one dog hair in the popcorn I'm throwing you out," warned Markus.

"Are you jealous?" asked Connor, who had nicked some of the popcorn and stuffed his mouth with it.

"Of Simon or of the dog?" Markus replied casually. Simon choked on his spit and promptly got a coughing fit. Connor looked mortified, which made the whole situation even funnier than it already was.

"Calm down, I'm kidding," Markus clarified when hit Connor on the back. "Okay, shall we bring the snacks to the living room?"

/////

They had already watched two movies, a romantic comedy about a boy and a girl ending up together after pretending to be a couple for some time (Josh's choice) and a superhero movie (North's choice). 

Simon hadn't really paid attention to either of them, since Markus' knee touching his most of the time had distracted him a great deal. It had taken him over half an hour to gather up the courage to try to press their knees together more firmly, and when he did, Markus didn't pull his away, which had sent Simon into another plane of existence.

(He also felt a little bit pathetic about it.)

"Time for a break," Markus declared, stretching his arms over his head and pulling the hem of his shirt up with the movement. Simon stared at the small brown patch of skin, only the hint of his muscles exposed, and suddenly had a dry mouth.

"You just don't want to watch a horror movie," Lucy teased. She sat on Markus' other side and looked as cool (and scary) as always. She radiated so much confidence that Simon felt like a dwarf next to her, even though he overtopped her by a head.

"True," Markus shrugged. 

"Do you still have the table soccer?" Lucy asked with a mischievous grin and Markus groaned before nodding in confirmation.

"Excellent." Lucy got up from the couch and dragged Markus up, then she turned to the group. "Markus might be a terrific at this game in real life but at the table version… Not so much."

"I want to see that," Josh said and he, Daniel, North, Chloe and Simon followed Markus and Lucy into another room. The door to it was right next to the one leading into the atelier and Simon felt the urge to step into the room to look at the new paintings (the light was even on), but the other ones quickly vanished and he didn't want to intrude all by himself.

The table soccer stood in what seemed to be some sort of game room; Simon could see a billiard table, chessboards and many other games he didn't even know and everything looked very snobby - there was even a small bar on one end of the room. The seven of them didn't really seem to fit into the room with their sweatpants and comfortable clothes but no one seemed to care so Simon didn't either.

The first round they played was Simon and Daniel against Markus and Josh (since Lucy refused to be in a team with Markus - "If I team up with him I just know I'm going to lose", she said and Markus actually looked offended but shot her a challenging grin). 

Simon knew Daniel was the absolute pro at table soccer since they owned one at home and Daniel had played it obsessively when he was smaller. 

Daniel scored one goal after another (he had taken the positions in front of their goal so the distance to the other goal was the largest it could get but that didn't stop Daniel from using his goal keeper to kick the ball across the field with so much power there was no way of stopping it) and it didn't take them long to win the game. 

Simon had only contributed a little (he wasn't bad at the game, because Daniel had always needed a partner to play when they were younger and that had almost always ended up being Simon) but they high fived and cheered when they scored the tenth and therefore last goal.

"Daniel is so good, that's not fair," Josh complained.

"True," North agreed. "He's banned for the next three games."

Daniel threw his arms in the air and said "c'mon!" but it was of no use. North and Chloe played the next game against Josh and Lucy, with Daniel standing close to their goals and watching the game intensely, his eyes moving so fast to watch the ball that Simon was afraid he would get dizzy and collapse when he kept it up.

Simon leaned against the billiard table and watched his friends and after a while Markus joined him, carrying two glasses with water in his hands.

"It's more exhausting than it looks, isn't it?" he grinned and Simon accepted the water gratefully.

They watched their friends together for a few moments (North and Chloe had just scored and they had absolute joy on their faces while Lucy hyped Josh up the throw in the ball and score a goal for their team) before Simon asked,

"How's Carl doing? I haven't seen him all evening."

Markus stared into the distance and Simon was sure he wasn't paying attention to their friends or the game. There was a moment of silence where Simon thought Markus wouldn't answer, but then he frowned.

"He's painting." Quietly, he added, "Has been all day."

Markus seemed very unhappy and Simon wanted to hit himself for bringing up a topic that made him feel that way.

"The paintings on the way to the kitchen?" Simon asked carefully. "The ones with the angry colors?"

Markus nodded darkly and stared at his glass of water.

"It's not just them though, there are so many more in the atelier filled with dark colors and pessimistic motives. I think his old age makes him feel depressed," he added after a few seconds of contemplation. He raised his head to look at Simon and the sadness on his face took the breath out of Simon's lungs.

"He always goes on about how he has nothing to say anymore, how he's a broken machine and it's hard for me to get him out of bed in the morning and get him to take his medication."

He paused again.

"And I can't do anything about it," he finally said, quietly, as if it was hard for him to admit it to himself.

"Hey," Simon said and put a hand on Markus' shoulder. "I bet that you're helping him the best you can."

Markus smiled sadly. "But he doesn't get better."

Simon hesitated for a second. 

"You know, Daniel and I lost your father to suicide," he whispered. Only few people knew that and normally, Simon wouldn't have told Markus, but he felt like he could maybe make him feel better when Markus knew that Simon had lived through something similar.

Markus didn't say that he was sorry; he just hummed and put his hand on top of Simon's.

"I mean, he seemed better when he was around us, or the garden," Simon continued. He remembered his father's gentle smile when he tended to their garden and when he showed Simon how to care for their plants.

"One year, we grew our own tomatoes from the seed and I remember running into the greenhouse every day to look how much bigger they had become and how it was the first thing I thought about when I woke up. I think he was annoyed that I always stormed into his room and woke him up so that we could look at the tomato plants, but when he noticed the excitement on my face it quickly vanished and was replaced by happiness."

Markus looked at him fondly and Simon felt his face beginning to grow hot. He cleared his throat.

"What I'm trying to say is that my father seemed to feel better when we did something in the garden together. Maybe you can try to paint something with Carl, painting seems to help him, doesn't it?"

Markus thought about it for a second and then he nodded. The smile he shot Simon was warm and full of admiration and Simon wasn't able to look at it for long.

"Thank you, Simon," Markus said earnestly. 

Before he could add something else, North and Chloe cheered like crazy. It reminded Simon of his surroundings and he wondered how he could have forgotten about them so quickly.

"We won, Si," North yelled into their direction and Simon gave her a thumbs up in response. She just rolled her eyes and gave Chloe a big smacker on the cheek.

They played a few rounds more, Simon winning some of them and losing most of them (he played one game in a team with Markus and it wasn't that bad, but they still lost), but whenever Markus caught his gaze he smiled at him warmly.

"Okay, I'm done," Lucy proclaimed after they had played for what seemed to be an eternity. Everyone agreed and they left the room.

Simon walked next to Josh and grinned like an idiot. Josh didn't say anything, but he raised his eyebrows and wiggled them. 

"Simon, can you bring your glass to the kitchen?" Markus yelled from where he was walking next to Chloe. Simon nodded and separated himself from Josh to go to the kitchen. 

When he put the glass in the sink the doors swiftly opened and Markus walked in, also putting his glass away.

"I want to show you something," he said mysteriously and Simon's heartbeat sped up once again. 

"Get your backpack," he added and Simon obeyed. When he opened it, he saw the small box with the rose inside and remembered his plan. 

_Well_ , he thought, _maybe there's going to be an opportunity._

Markus stuffed a bag of chips into it and then he walked towards the door, motioning Simon to follow him.

"Where are we going?" Simon whispered. He felt like he was a child again, sneaking around the house in the night to steal sweets or something out of the fridge, trying npt to wake his family and avoiding all the creaky parts of the wooden floor.

Markus didn't answer and only grinned at him, running up the stairs to his room.

Simon remembered the last time he had been in there; he had slept in Markus' bed and had woken up to him reading a book in the morning sunlight. It had been one of the best (and also most pathetic) moments of his life, since he had been daydreaming about waking up next to Markus every morning.

Markus threw a woolen blanket at him (which he only caught because it landed in his face and there was plenty of time for his reflexes to catch it then) and went to rummage in his closet.

Simon let his gaze roam around. There wasn't much in Markus' room; it had a strong minimalist vibe. The closet wasn't really a closet but rather clothes rails and wooden boxes next to each other and there was only a single flower in a vase on his desk.

Simon frowned and then his heart began to beat faster. It was the alstromeria Simon had given him the day before at the concert, but it was the only one in his room - no sign of the multiple other that he had gotten.

It made Simon feel validated. He knew it was only a flower, but the fact that it was his flower and that it was positioned so that Markus would have to see it in the morning when he woke up sent a swarm of butterflies through Simon's stomach.

Next to the flower lay a book Markus had lend from the library and the cover read _Flowers and their meanings_ and Simon's face grew hot as he put two and two together. Markus probably had looked the flower up and now he knew what Simon wanted to say.

It made Simon feel nervous. Did he also check the other flowers he had received? Or was he simply curious? Was it there by pure coincidence?

But it also made Simon feel more confident to go through with his plan to give Markus the rose. Maybe Markus would really react positively.

"Okay, let's go," Markus said and pulled Simon out of his thoughts. When he looked at him, he carried a colorful and a black hoodie in his arms.

"What are we…" Simon began to ask but Markus simply walked out of the room and to the end of the corridor. 

He stopped underneath a trap door that looked like the ones leading into an attic, but when he opened it and Simon looked up he could see the stars.

"You can really go up to the freaking rooftop in this house?" Simon was impressed when he eyed the rope ladder that had fallen out of the hole when Markus had opened the trap door. It looked like it was very hard to climb it because it wasn't fixated on the ground and swayed back and forth.

Markus only grinned and climbed the ladder and it looked pretty easy when he did. Simon was convinced that he wouldn't be able to even get up there, but with Markus holding the ladder it was easier than it seemed.

When he had solid ground under his feet again and had the chance to look around, he was overwhelmed by the beauty of the atmosphere. There were some wooden benches standing in a circle and the moon and the stars shone so brightly that they didn't need artificial light. The lights of the city smoldered in the distance and the only sound beside them came from a nightingale's happy twittering.

"Wow," Simon whispered, more to himself than to Markus, but he chuckled quietly.

They sat down onto the benches and Markus lit an actual fire in one of these pots that were made out of heavy metal to contain it and really, the only thing missing was someone playing the guitar.

The fire radiated warmth but it wasn't enough to keep him warm. Markus offered him one of the hoodies and he gratefully pulled it over his head. 

It was too big for him and the lilac and lavender colors of the hoodie weren't ones he'd usually wear, but the hoodie smelled like Markus and that was more than enough reason for him to not say anything.

Markus pulled the black hoodie over his yellow shirt and grinned at Simon.

"Sorry, I just had to give you a crazy hoodie," he laughed. "I wanted to see how it'd look on you."

It made Simon feel happy in an odd way, so he just grinned back.

"Does it look like you expected?"

Markus didn't hesitate when he answered "yeah" with a cute little smile on his face and there was a sudden warmth in Simon's stomach that definitely didn't come from the hoodie and the fire.

It was very quiet for a moment, except for the cracking of the fire and the still singing nightingale. Simon exhaled and enjoyed the moment of silence. It felt oddly intimate sitting alone with Markus under the stars and listening to the sounds of the night.

"Daniel was very good at table soccer," Markus noted and Simon laughed.

"He is. When he was eight he got one for his birthday and he - well, we - played with it almost every day. Even now when we come home he forces me to at least one match."

"Oh no, what a torture," Markus said sarcastically and Simon grinned.

After a few moments of silence where Simon tried to gather the courage to get out the stupid rose (and failed because Markus was so close to him and it messed with his head), he sighed.

"What's the matter?" Markus asked. He had pulled out the bag of chips and crunched happily on them.

"Oh, uh…" Simon stammered, "I was just thinking about the concert yesterday and the song you played… and that you sang."

Markus chuckled and there was a hint of redness on his cheeks.

"It means something to Lucy, doesn't it?" Simon asked carefully after he had contemplated whether he should ask the question or not, if it maybe overstepped an invisible line since Lucy had looked rather shaken up at the very end of the song, when she had hugged Markus.

Markus nodded and Simon felt like they were back in the game room, taking about Carl. It was the same atmosphere of fragile trust; Simon knew that if he would say something wrong it could make things awkward very fast.

"Lucy… She…" Markus began and interrupted himself. There was a lot of emotion in his voice and his face showed pain as if he was thinking about bad memories.

Finally, he resigned.

"She was abused," he began. "When she was, like, fourteen until she moved out with eighteen. We were best friends and of course I noticed that something was off, like she would wear long sleeved shirts and trousers even in the hottest weather and she sometimes came to school with a black eye and stayed in the cafeteria as long as she could before going home. But whenever I tried to talk to her about it she shut me out. We actually had a lot of fights back then…"

His face transformed into a frown, the same expression he had worm when he had played the piano at the concert.

"I didn't know what to do so I tried to let it be, but one day she came to my house in the middle of the night and she had such a bad cut on her cheek that almost her whole face was covered in blood. She didn't say anything, she just stood there and looked at me, her face totally blank…"

"I was so angry," Markus whispered, "Not at her of course, but at whoever did this to her. But I didn't even know where she lived or who her parents were because when it came to topics like that she just… She didn't share, so I didn't know who to call or what to do. I took her in and fixed her cut and when she woke up the next morning I silently brought her tea and waited for her to say something, but she simply stared into nothing."

Markus clenched his fists and the anger in his eyes was burning like a fire.

"We stayed in the whole day and when it was dark outside she finally told me what had happened - that her dad, like so often, came home drunk and angry and let his frustrations with the world and all of his other problems out on her."

Simon shuddered but didn't say anything. He could feel the anger radiating from Markus like a hot wave and he wished he hadn't brought the topic up in the first place.

"And the song, well… I used to sing it to her when she came to my house, which happened often from there on. It calmed her down and gave her strength to go on, you know?"

Simon wasn't sure that he was supposed to know all of that. Shouldn't the people who had something like this happening to them be able to share their story when they felt like it?

As if Markus had read his thoughts, he said, "She's okay with me telling her story. I mean, she doesn't want me to blazon it abroad but she trusts me to tell only the most important people."

Simon nodded. "And did her father get what he deserved?"

"Not as fast as it should have happened", he said grimly.

"But why would she perform something like that in front of such a huge audience and get confronted with all the pain again?" Simon asked.

"Well, I guess that's what strongness means to her. She told me she wanted to do something like this for a while now, kind of like the last thing to do to terminate everything, but it took her a while to gather up the courage to do it."

Simon nodded in understanding. He had suspected something more trivial behind the song, but now that he knew the story it seemed impossible for something more frivolous to be behind it.

"It just… I think it was good for her to pour her heart out to strangers, even if they don't know what happened and take it for a normal, beautiful song."

Simon shuddered and pulled his legs to his body. He just couldn't imagine how a person could to something like this, especially to their children who they were supposed to look after.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the mood," Markus said and looked a little bit uncomfortable when the silence stretched out for too long.

Simon tried to look for something to change the topic in a gentle way and when he looked up and saw the clear night sky with the stars he had an idea.

"Look," Simon said an pointed at the stars. He had looked for a specific constellation and had found it pretty quickly. 

"That one is called Andromeda, my dad used to show it to me," he explained. Markus squinted at the sky but it didn't look like he could see it.

Simon moved closer and put his head next to Markus', so that they had the same perspective. He raised his hand again and outlined the constellation and Markus nodded. Simon swallowed as he became aware on how close their bodies were, but he didn't pull away.

"My dad seemed to be obsessed with it and I didn't know why, so I googled it when he was.. gone."

"It's something from Greek mythology, isn't it?", Markus asked and watched the stars closely.

"Yes, Andromeda had to pay for her mother's crimes and was chained to a cliff as some sort of appeasement for Poseidon, long story. He sent a monster that was supposed to take her, but before it could kill them a hero named Perseus appeared and saved her."

Simon chuckled. "I suppose it's the typical story of man saves woman and they marry and live happily ever after but something about it seemed to give him strength when he needed it. I think it was because Andromeda was saved and he wished to be saved by someone as well."

Markus pulled his gaze away from the stars and looked at Simon and once again he noticed how close they were. He could see the different blotches of color in his eyes and noticed that there was a small dark brown circle underneath the pupil of his blue eye.

Markus' eyes crinkled when he smiled.

"So you're Perseus in this story and Lucy is Andromeda," Simon finished.

"Oh, don't let her hear that," Markus said and it seemed like some weight fell off his shoulders. "She wouldn't like being compared to a defenseless princess."

They were quiet and looked at the constellation again.

"But it's a nice thought," Markus said quietly. "Believing there is someone to save you from everything."

Simon hesitated for a second. Then he asked, "Do you need something to be saved from?"

Markus looked at him and there was so much vulnerability in his eyes when he opened his mouth to say something but he got interrupted when someone, very brutally, opened the trap door and it banged onto the roof. 

Simon jumped and out of reflex put some distance between the two of them, cursing whoever decided it would be a great idea to go to the rooftop right now.

It was North and Chloe, giggling like high school girls and kissing very intensely.

Markus cleared his throat in amusement and Chloe actually shrieked.

"Aww, man," North said. "Someone already had the same idea as us."

She took a closer look at Markus and Simon and her eyes got bigger as she recognized them. 

"Oopsie," she said and giggled once more before climbing back down the rope ladder again, closely followed by Chloe who shot them an apologetic smile.

"Oh God," Simon said. "Sometimes I really hate her."

Markus laughed but the vulnerable atmosphere had vanished, the barriers of every day life put up again between them.

"Well, I think we should join the others again," he said and got up.

"Actually, Markus, wait," Simon panicked and held onto the sleeve of Markus' hoodie.

"I wanted to give you something."

 _Now or never_ , he thought to himself. Simon couldn't remember being this nervous and excited ever in his life before. Seeing how happy Chloe and North were made his heart ache for something like they had. Markus stood right in front of him, an arm's length away and looked at him curiously.

"I, uh," Simon stammered and got really red in the face. Markus sat back down again and waited for him to continue. There was friendly expectation on his face as he patiently waited for Simon to show him whatever he wanted to give him, but there was something else on his face - as if he was expecting something to happen which made him nervous too.

Simon pulled out the box from his backpack and carefully removed the lid. The rose still looked pretty good, thank God, and when Simon pulled it out it took him a lot of courage to look Markus in the eyes.

At first, Markus didn't seem to understand. Simon panicked because he was sure he couldn't explain the situation and… who didn't know what a red rose meant?

But then there was a spark of realization in his eyes when he looked from Simon to the flower and back again.

"You," Markus said and the biggest smile Simon had ever seen spread across his face. "It was you all along!"

Simon couldn't believe it but Markus really looked like all his wished had come true. He carefully smiled back when Markus took the flower out of his hand and their fingers brushed. 

Markus, who was always so confident and well-spoken seemed to be at a loss of words, a look of disbelief crossing his face.

"You…" He smiled and looked at Simon. "I'm such an idiot."

Simon frowned confusedly. "You are?"

"Simon, you-" Markus chuckled. He shook his head and the happiness radiating off of him was the best thing Simon ever witnessed.

"When I started receiving your flowers I wanted to know so badly who would be such a great soul to do something like this. I- I even got a fucking book on what flowers symbolize because I wanted to be sure it was meant in a romantic way."

Simon felt like a huge weight was lifted from his heart. 

"And then you brought the hydrangea on the first movie night… God, I hoped so badly it would be you."

Simon chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah, that was probably very obvious, wasn't it?"

He was overwhelmed by the feelings flooding his system: affection, excitement, nervousness and hope and he felt like hugging the entire Earth and screaming his happiness out into the world.

They stayed out on the roof for a while afterwards and Markus carefully grabbed Simon's hand while Simon was talking, distracting him for a moment. When he looked down at their linked fingers and watched Markus' thumb trace small circles on the back of his hand he couldn't believe it had taken him so long to do this.


	8. Dianthus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Markus go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The exhibition I described really exists and when I went to see it in Leipzig I really loved it so I thought I would include it!

The next two weeks passed Simon by in a blur of lectures, study sessions and very little free time. With the arrival of winter came along the time of exams and Simon often found himself stuck in the library for longer than he had meant to because it was the best place for him to concentrate. 

Study time always put Simon on edge. His whole existence during that time seemed to consist of learning, recapping, losing hope of passing the exams, pulling himself up again and repeating the whole thing over and over again. It was exhausting, but in the end Simon always got good results.

On Friday he was sitting in the library again, this time trying to remember how some educationist defined the perfect structure of school but there was no use. Simon couldn't concentrate because anytime Markus was supposed to come and pick him up for their first date. 

They hadn't seen each other since the movie night (on which nothing more happened than casual hand holding and knee touching) and Simon had begun to feel itchy with missing Markus. He didn't see him on campus either since he was a person to learn at home and the small sweet text Markus sometimes sent him out of nowhere could only do so much.

Markus had suggested to go to the museum, since there was a new exhibition by Yoko Ono about war and peace. Simon didn't usually visit museums because most of the time he couldn't really see what artists tried to say but ever since he had been to Markus' house and had seen all the paintings he and Carl created, he was a little more interested in it.

Simon sighed and closed the book. 

"Giving up already?" whispered someone close to his ear. Simon almost screamed but remembered that he was in a library and instead only jumped and turned around. When he saw that it was Markus though, he couldn't stay mad. Seeing him again made Simon feel like he could burst from happiness.

He basically threw himself into Markus' arm and hugged him as tightly as he could, burying his head in his shoulder.

"I missed you," he mumbled into the soft fabric of Markus' sweatshirt.

Markus hugged him with just as much enthusiasm and kissed his hair. "Me too," he whispered and Simon didn't let go for a minute, content with smelling Markus' typical smell and only half believing that he was going to go on a date with him.

When Simon finally let go (he was sure his cheeks were tinted red) and packed his things, Markus looked at him with a soft smile. He looked tired and there was an invisible weight pressing down on his shoulders but for the moment he didn't seem to care.

They left the library building and started to walk in the direction of the museum. Simon debated for a split second if he should ask about what was bothering Markus and then decided to take his hand, just because he could.

Markus' hand was warm despite the cold weather and when he linked their fingers Simon realized how lucky he was.

"How was your day?" Markus asked him as they crossed the street. Walking this direction meant that they would pass the flower shop and Simon grinned at the thought of Kara seeing them together.

"Not very exciting," Simon answered truthfully. "I had breakfast with Josh, who tried to persuade me into taking his morning jog with him, saying that 'especially during the period of studying it is important to have some exercise as well, Simon'!" He tried to imitate Josh's voice which made Markus laugh.

"He's not wrong though," Markus said and Simon shot him a mock-annoyed look.

"You as well!" he exclaimed. "I'm leaving!"

He couldn't conceal his grin when he let go of Markus' hand and turned around and he heard Markus' chuckle.

"Nooooooo, come back!" he said in an equally dramatic voice and took hold of his hand again, and they continued their walk.

"How was your day?" Simon asked and watched Markus earnestly. "You look very tired, is everything okay?"

Markus sighed and rubbed his free hand over his face as if he was trying to shoo away his tiredness.

"I've been taking your advice," he answered. "With Carl, I mean. We've been painting together more often and I really think it helps him, at least for the time being, but Carl's drive to paint only comes at night."

Simon nodded in understanding.

"But you have to take care of yourself too, okay?" Simon said gently. "Your own health is just as important as Carl's, don't forget that."

Markus smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "I won't."

When they passed the flower shop a few minutes later, Kara stood at one of the windows and rearranged the flowers on display.

"Look, this is the place I work at," Simon said to Markus and waved to Kara, who noticed him, then Markus and then their linked hands. She raised her eyebrows and pointedly looked from their hands to Markus and back again and Simon grinned, then he nodded.

"Pretty," Markus noted, looking at the flowers lovingly. It made Simon feel incredibly happy that Markus probably always thought of him when he saw flowers or a flower shop.

"Do you want to say hi?" he asked, but Simon shook his head. 

"No, I'm fully yours for the day." He grinned and waved at Kara before they continued walking.

/////

When they entered the museum the first thing they saw was a huge boat that was painted completely in a lot of different colors by what seemed like different visitors since there was a mother and her child just painting a smiling sun on top of something green Simon couldn't identify.

Every wall of the room was painted too. Simon could see slogans, names, flowers, signs, blotches and many more things all stacked on top of each other. There were cans full of paint standing on the ground (which was also full of colorful things but mostly footsteps of people who had accidentally stepped into the paint) and brushes next to them.

Markus immediately pulled him to the boat, grabbed a brush and dipped it into the red color, at the same time looking for a spot where he would cover up the least of the already existing artworks. Simon let go of his hand and walked around the room to look at what other people had left there. 

It was mostly non-eye catching things - probably also because there were just so many thing on top of each other - but there was one painting of a green sun at the very top of the wall that was so high up Simon wondered how a person could have reached it.

"Look," he said to Markus and pointed up. "I wonder how it got there."

Markus only replied with a hum since he was very focused on his drawing but when Simon tried to catch a look he blocked the view with his body. 

"You're not allowed to look yet," he teased. Simon pouted but turned around again, staring at the wall.

After a few minutes Markus tapped his shoulder and pointed at the picture he had drawn.

Simon could have burst from happiness. It was an orange gerbera with a red core, facing the middle of the room. 

"It was the first flower you gave me, remember?" Markus asked and squeezed his hand.

"Of course I remember," Simon answered and had to laugh as he recalled the situation. "You should have seen me sprinting out of the gym after dropping it off."

Markus grinned and they moved on to the actual part of the exhibition, which was on the third floor. When they entered the room, there were wooden boxes in different sizes out of which lemon trees grew. The air was filled with twittering of birds and only after a few seconds Simon realized that the boxes were supposed to be coffins.

"It doesn't seem grotesque," Markus noted. "It's actually quite peaceful."

They slowly walked through the different rooms of the exhibition, discussing the artworks and admiring the creativity behind all of them.

There was one room which had a single wooden board attached to the wall on which hundreds of identical glass jars filled with the exact same amount of water stood. Every one of them had a handwritten name on it and they ranged from John Lennon to Albert Einstein to Adolf Hitler. 

But the most amazing thing about the exhibition was that the visitors could participate in most of the art works. There was a huge wall dedicated to mothers where everyone could draw something on a piece of transparent paper and tape it next to the ones already there (Markus draw a small earth and wrote _mother Earth - save her_ next to it, sticking it as high as possible), a wooden log with a bucket of nails and a hammer next to it (Simon tried to bang a nail into it and it was very crooked - Markus laughed at him for failing) and a workspace with a lot of broken crockery were the visitor could choose on how to fix them; there was tape, glue and also rope (Simon simply glued together the pieces of a cup he found, but Markus taped together a saucer, glued together a cup and connected them firmly with a rope - on Simon's questioning glace he simply answered "Multiple ideas work the best most of the time, just like multiple people working together can be the best way to causing things to change").

There was one room where actual helmets from the second world war hung from the ceiling, filled with puzzle pieces that weren't rectangular but wavy and Simon and Markus spent a lot of time finding two that fit together.

In another room there was a pile of women's clothes on the ground and on ropes hung picture of women's faces together with stories they told about their sexual abuse. Simon couldn't really read all of them; they made his eyes water up and he got so angry at the men doing such things that he wanted to actually punch them (which surprised him as well, since he despised violence). Markus read a few of them grimly before they moved on.

There was a room with an opening like a door in which a black curtain hung. Simon went though it and was greeted by absolute darkness and silence. It was so dark that even after a few minutes Simon couldn't see anything. He got a bit scared because he could hear the quiet noises the other people who where in there did, like footsteps or the sound of fabric rustling. He couldn't hear Markus but when he began to look around for him - still seeing absolutely nothing and beginning to panic a little bit - a warm and familiar hand slipped into his and squeezed it shortly.

"That was so creepy," Simon said when they walked out of the room, getting blinded by the light for a second before his eyes adjusted to it.

"I know," Markus agreed, "but I thought it was interesting as well. Did you notice how the silence and the darkness made people stay glued to the spot and not move around? It's a great way of showing how we hate not being able to orientate ourselves."

When they had seen all the rooms of the exhibition and left the museum it was already dark outside. Simon closed his jacket as much as he could and hid his hands in his pockets, but he still shivered in the cold.

Markus sneaked one if his hands into the pocket where Simon's hand was in and locked their fingers together. They smiled at each other and continued to talk about the exhibition while they walked to Simon's apartment (well, it was mostly Markus who shared his interpretations of the different artworks and Simon listening and trying to figure out how great of a mind one had to be to get each and every meaning behind them and even adding some of one's own to them).

Before they entered the building Markus pulled Simon away from the door.

"Wait a second," he said mysteriously. "Close your eyes for a second."

Simon got a little bit (actually, a lot) nervous but obeyed. He heard Markus take off his backpack, a zipper as he probably opened it and rustling as he probably looked for something. When he found it and his backpack was back on his shoulders again, he told Simon to open his eyes.

He was holding a white dianthus in his hand and smiled softly.

"I got something for you," he explained unnecessarily and Simon carefully took the flower out of his hand, looking at it disbelievingly before the biggest smile broke out on his face. White dianthuses stood for faithfulness.

"Markus you- Oh my God, are you even real?" he asked incredulously.

Markus still smiled at him, but something daring had crept into his gaze. "Why don't you find out?"

Somehow Simon thought this was very funny so he began to laugh, but still took a step towards Markus, whose eyes were crinkled with mirth. He put a hand on Simon's cheek and looked into his eyes before his gaze dropped to his lips and he slowly moved closer, giving Simon the space to opt out if he wanted to.

But it didn't even cross Simon's mind when he closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together. Markus' hand cupped Simon's face in the most gentle way possible and Simon melted to the touch, putting his hand on top of Markus'.

When they separated, they both smiled, probably like two complete idiots.

"How did you know?" Simon asked and leaned against the wall, his knees weak from the kiss.

"Know what?" Markus asked and took his hand again. It seemed to be something Markus really liked, since he had made sure their hands were clasped together for the majority of the time they had been together, and Simon definitely wasn't going to complain. He liked how casual it was; as if Markus didn't think twice about it.

"The meaning," Simon clarified and looked at the flower in his hand lovingly.

"Simon, you've been dropping flower for me for weeks, of course I now something about them now," he grinned. Simon felt like he could never stop smiling. "And I have the book, remember?"

"It's a crazy coincidence though," Simon said. "I got the idea of leaving flowers for you when I watched Kara tie a bouquet with white dianthuses in them."

"See." Markus raised his eyebrows, "It's destiny!"

Simon laughed and rolled his eyes before he took out his keys and they entered the building.

/////

They had dinner with the whole squad and it was actually very nice. Simon had thought that maybe his friends would be obnoxious and tease them the entire time but they seemed to give him a break for once and behaved nicely. 

After dinner Simon and Markus went into Simon's room and Markus whistled when he entered it. He pointed at all the plants that really took up most of the space in Simon's room (they were on the windowsills, on his desk, on the shelves, some bigger ones on the floor and even some on his nightstand) and shook his head fondly.

"You're such a nerd," he said, but looked at him like he was the best thing that ever happened.

They laid down onto the bed (Simon close to the wall, his head on Markus' shoulder) and Simon pulled out his laptop so that they could watch something before going to sleep. It was a documentation on revolutions and there was a point were they showed a red dianthus being the symbol of resistance during the French revolution and Simon grinned, looked at Markus and kissed him softly.

When the documentation ended Markus yawned, putting his arm over his eyes.

"'m so tried," he mumbled.

"Then let's go to sleep," he whispered. Markus only hummed in response and slid down farther into the cushions.

When Simon turned around to face the wall after cupping Markus' cheek, he could feel Markus shift and when he turned around to look at him he had moved his elbows to he could support his body with them while looking at Simon.

"What?" Simon said. 

"Why do you always sleep with your face to the wall?" Markus asked with a frown. Simon knew he wasn't judging; he was just trying to make sense of something he didn't understand.

Simon grinned. "I don't really know but I've been doing this since forever. I guess it's similar to people covering their whole bodies with their blankets and not sticking out a foot even it it's very hot because they have the irrational fear that a demon or something else is going to grab their exposed foot. It gives me a sense of security, I guess."

Markus looked at him and shook his head, smiling. "You're so adorable," he said sleepily.

Simon was glad that Markus had switched off the light because he was getting very red. 

Simon gave Markus a goodnight kiss on his forehead and turned around to face the wall again, pulling his feet to his chest. Markus also turned so that he was facing Simon's back and slid and arm around his waist, pulling him close and pressing a small kiss to his hairline.

"Good night," he whispered and the low rumbling of his voice gave Simon goosebumps.

"Good night," he replied and when Markus sighed contently and Simon could feel his breath getting slower and more regular he was hit by a wave of deep love.

He could get used to that.


End file.
